Kate, My two young adult boys are back home from college.

Hi Kate, My two young adult boys are back home from college. The 22 year old is a new graduate who has started a job at the hospital with a Bs in psychology. He plans on going to grad school for Psyd., after gaining some field experience. My youngest son
Is in pre med, and currently works for the University this summer doing some paid research. My oldest is going to live at home for some time and pay down some college debt down, after realizing the actual cost of living on his own. The younger one is following
suit deciding to stay at home while he commutes to college saving on the cost of renting an apartment or dormitory. They have both decided to completely renovate and improve our mostly finished basement into a living area so they can stay down there. When
they lived at home there was the kids and myself upstairs huddling together staying away from Dad. So the family in was too chaotic for us to eat meals together as I had difficulty with my husbands behavior. Now as they are going to stay here a while, they
spend their weekends hanging out in the house downstairs on the living room. My youngest engages with my husband and my husband interacts with him. Although my husband isnt very engaging to begin with, my older son is unfortunately mostly ignored by his Dad.
He favors the younger one who is more gregarious. My husband as a mechanical engineer is going to help them finish off the basement with some wiring, drop ceiling, paint. My husbands behavior toward me is still emotionally and psychologically abusive, but
it is more covert as I think he tries to hide it around the kids. Now he is cooking i nthis house which he stopped when they were at college. The kids are hanging in the living room all weekend. Saturday I understand but Sunday too. They werent even working
on the basement on Sunday. My husband is downstairs on the weekend too. At one point my husband tried to make me look bad while pulling my son into a topic about me spending money. When I asked my husband to stop cutting me off, my son said..."He is not cutting
you off." Yes, he did cut me off. I had to tell my son not to get involved and said in front of my husband..."Im the malleable one, thats why you take his side, because everyone is afraid to confront him. Later my son apologized about his comment. Yet, he
continued to bond and speak to my husband. The trouble is, it's too much. They seem to be sitting around all weekend looking for his attention by just hanging around downstairs. That is the only thing that makes sense as to why they hang around like this on
weekends. Sometimes, they get attention (mostly my younger who is very engaging) from him. They act differently when I come down to engage which makes me think they are trying to reach their Dad in some way. I go upstairs when it is too uncomfortable as my
husband ignores my existance and only talks to them if at all. The problem is that I continually have to talk to myself that they are only trying to have a normal relationship with their Dad and nothing is wrong with that. What feels terribly wrong is that
especially my younger one, it is in my face their interaction with Dad. I think to myself, Dad treats me bad and you two kids act like nothing is going on and just hang around waiting for Dad to show some attention. If it happens here and there, okay. But
all weekend, the kids hang around downstairs and interact with him. Its constant and based on how bad my husband treats me, they act so nice to him? I don't talk about their Father, but based on how he treats me, it's very difficult to see them interact with
him, especially for a long period of time. I feel like they are looking for a connection from him and are unwilling to see the extent of his poisonous ways. Plus, he does it a lot less with them as it seems like he is trying to be a better Father. It makes
me sick. I don't want to make my problems their problems, but feel like saying something to them. No matter what I say, it will not be received well and would be inappropriate to say anything at all. Its not like they don't know his ways, but theyprobably
want to stay neutral. It does not feel neutral as I feel like they are on his side. I don't know how to cope effectively. Any thoughts or input would be appreciated. Thanks Dee