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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1700
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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He was so incredibly into me when we first met. We were

Customer Question

He was so incredibly into me when we first met. We were inseparable. Then I found out he was moving away. I hooked up with him - I would've waited to do so under ordinary circumstances but he was moving so far away I didn't think Id ever see him again and I got carried away. Days later he moved across the country and our communication has seriously dwindled. Instead of talking all day every day we text once or twice a day sometimes even less (but we text at least once/week.) We aren't in a relationship. He owes me nothing. But has communication slowed Bc I hooked up with him? Or Bc there is a major time difference between us and he's far away now? Why hasn't he just cut me off completely if he's not into me?


Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
Hello-hoping I can help with you question a little. It sounds like the distance is the thing getting in the way at this point. I do not think that you hooking up with him was the reason communication has dwindled. If that was the case he probably would have stopped all communication when he moved. With long distance there can be a difficulty with communicating due to time differences, different things going on in life. He may be more busy because he just moved and is getting things settled. He most likely is keeping contact because he does care about you on some level. If he didn't care he would just stop the communication. Does that make sense?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It does. Thank you. I just hope I'm not fooling myself. He moved away for work - he's in the military. So
I know he has limited phone access too. I tell myself these things to reassure myself when I get upset. But I've never been the kind of girl who's satiafied with not being "chased." That sounds terrible. Like I'm a game player. I'm not - I suppose it's just my own insecurities that require me to have to feel like he really wants me before I'll put myself out there. I've tried to ignore him and cut him off. When I don't respond to texts - I get another one a few days later. When I respond with one word answers or comments that don't invite any further communications - I get "you're incredible" or "you're sexy" or the like. I know the easy answer here is "just ask him what he's doing and what he wants." I can't tho. Truth is I don't know what I want so I can't very well be asking him yet. I just wish I knew what was going thru his brain. I am very thankful for the outside perspective tho. Thank you.
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
No problem! It isn't terrible to want to be chased. We all want to feel wanted and it is hard for us to put ourselves out there especially if we are not sure how it will be taken by the other person. You are protecting yourself from getting hurt which is understandable. Wanting to know exactly where he is at would make things so much easier! If he is continuing to text and will text even when you don't that shows he has some interest. Men usually will not put in a lot of effort if they aren't interested so it sounds like you have something good going on. Just don't let your insecurities get the best of you. It sounds like he likes you if he is saying that you are incredible! I wish you luck!!