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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1694
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been dating a 49 year old woman 1 year. Our

Customer Question

I have been dating a 49 year old woman for about 1 year. Our sex life was awesome the first part of the relationship but has gone dead. I have been the same since I met her. I tried talking to her and she says it's her body going thru change so. I don't believe her. We see each other on weekends because we live a hour away from each other. She seems to be getting more distant all the time but claims she loves me. Sometimes she brings up U.S. Having a future and other times if I mention it she says I am pressuring her. I am in a tornado of confusion with her. She has been married and divorced twice. My fear is she is cheating on me but have no proof of anything. Totally confused. Help!!!!!!!!!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
Hello-hoping to help with your question a little. It sounds like you are in a place of frustration and confusion in your relationship. The year mark in a relationship is when the "honeymoon" period is over so some of the changes you are experiencing are a little common, but definitely still need to be addressed. With her age it is possible that she is going through a hormonal change. Menopause can start around that age and on the average starts between the ages of 48-55. Even if she is not in menopause, her body could be going through pre-menopause which means she will have a change in hormones as well. So it is very possible that her body is going through changes right now and those hormonal changes can affect her sexual desires. When you say she is getting distant more, what behaviors does she have that make you feel that way? I can understand your concerns for the relationship due to her history of relationships, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is cheating. What is she doing that makes you feel that cheating may be happening?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I really don't have any proof of cheating. It could be my own insecurities due to the fact that the sex has slowed down so much. One day she talks about us getting married, the vows we are going to say, she even bought a wedding dress a month ago. We were talking about getting a house together and that all of a sudden stopped. She has had three guys text her about dating, but she told me about all of them and she told me she told them she had a boyfriend. Lately she hasn't mentioned the future at all. I was thinking of asking her to get married, but am cautious about that because she could say no, but she tells me she loves me. The slow down in sex started in January and has suddenly got ton worse.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
When I say she has gotten distant I mean she doesn't text or call near as much. When I kiss her it feels like she isn't into it. By the way I am 52 years old. I pretty much give her space and never crowd her. I am the nice guy type, but not a pushover by no means. Maybe I don't present enough of a challenge. I just don't understand it.
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
I can understand where you are feeling a little insecure. When the sexual aspect of a relationship has a slow down it is normal for us to question what has or is happening for that to occur. It could be a hormonal thing for sure, but there could also be some other things going on. Has she been under stress lately? When we are under a lot demands or have a lot going on, stressful situations can definitely affect how we interact with others and our sexual desire. I know you mentioned that you have talked to her before, but have you mentioned your concerns to her about feeling that it feels like she is a little more distant? Her telling you about the other three guys texting her is a good sign. If she was cheating she would most likely hide that info from you but did you talk to her about any concerns you have (if you have any) about those kind of texts? It sounds like she handled it right, but that doesn't mean it didn't bring up any concerns for you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I asked her if any guy was involved and she said no. She said she has never cheated in her life. Do I back off. Do I continue to be really good to her. Don't know what to do!!!!