Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

Most of the time, after one good date, would a guy start having

Customer Question
some emotional attachment, or at...
Most of the time, after one good date, would a guy start having some emotional attachment, or at this stage they are most likely still in a hookup like mentality that they could easily get away from the emotional part even the date was great?
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 24 minutes by:
6/30/2015
Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
therapist325
therapist325, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 100
Experience: Licensed Professional counselor with specialized training in relationships.
Verified
Hello-hoping to help with your question a little. There is no way to completely answer this question for sure as everyone is different. There is a possibility of a guy starting to have emotions for someone after a first date. Chemistry between people can be very powerful and give that "butterfly" feeling when around them. When we are with someone that we hit it off with, there is a release of hormones that make us feel good and we tend to want more of that. So it is possible that someone could have feelings after one date, but there is also a possibility that those feelings go towards sexuality. So it could also be a combo of both or just one. What makes you feel that this guy is having emotional attachment or just wanting a hookup?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

Thanks for helping out! Hermones are usually for women right? I was also just wondering which situation it is with guys for MOST OF THE TIME especially after only one date.

I have no idea where he stands and that is why I am wondering. Especially when it is long distance, how do you feel both can maintain the dialog or keep the conversation going? He will always respond but not always asking me questions. So I don't know if he is just dull or he is just casual.

How to get additional signs to determine what he is looking for: hookup or something more?

Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
Hormones work both for men and women, but women's can be a little more stronger for sure. With long distance it makes things a little more difficult but it doesn't mean it can't work. Keeping that communication going is what will help, but there is also a fine line with that. You don't want to overwhelm the other person by trying to communicate too much in the beginning. Some ways to keep the conversation going is talking about things that you know he is interested in, asking him some questions about himself (work up to more in depth type questions), share some things about your day that may be interesting, things like that. Since there has only been one date, he may be more in a casual kind of state and you may want to match that and work towards more if you find that as the casual talk goes on that you are still interested. You want to find the balance of showing interest but not come off as needy if that makes sense. I know that is sometimes a hard line to find though. Talk to him like you would a friend that you are getting to know.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

Excellent. Since you mentioned not to overwhelm, so how often do you think the communication should be going on in this case?

Since he will respond without necessarily asking any question, doesn't it mean he is trying to take back a little or it is just because the long distance thing so he is rather relaxed?

Since I will be traveling to places close to him in a few months, do you think I should find out if he is interested in meeting when it is getting closer to the date or now? He did mention if I am in his area let him know but now I am not going to be directly in his area. I will just be close by that requires a few hours of his travel. So do you think find out now is better or later so it leaves more space match the casual state and also make it more mystic?

"work up to more in depth type questions"

-Can you give some example questions like this?

Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
I don't think there is a certain amount of communication that is right or wrong. You will kind of be able to tell by his responses. If you're in that stage where things aren't that clear I would keep contact every 2-3 days and then go off of his responses and also look at how often he is initiating contact as well. If you see that he is not initiating contact then I would go less to see how he reacts. I would definitely bring up that you will be in the area as you get closer to that happening based on how things have been going through your communications. Does that make sense?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

Right now it is not like who takes initiatives. It is more of whose turn it is. So if I sent message with or without questions, he will always respond with or without questions, then it is my turn...

If the purpose of asking was simply to see how the conversation goes, then if he says he is not willing to travel, then I would have wasted all these time chatting, right?:) Ps. he already said to let him know if I am in his area. So even we don't chat at all in the next few months, I am pretty sure he will be open to meet when the time comes and I inform him so. If it is to stay more mystic and unpredictable, then that is fine I can wait later to ask.

Please let me know what you think. Thanks,

Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
Sounds like things are going well in conversation than right now and would keep doing what you are doing! If you feel comfortable asking now about being in his area in the next few months than I would ask or just wait to see how things go and ask as that time gets closer.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

He is always responding and we did have a good date. That is all I know and nothing beyond that. He might also be polite since it is unknown whether we still have opportunity to meet or not regardless of how well that date went.

I have to see when I'd feel ready to pop that question.

What to do when you don't know how the other party thinks or are looking for? Do you have any way to find out signs that tells what he is looking for without directly asking?

Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
Well there is no way of knowing what they are thinking or looking for besides asking them straight up. There are however behaviors that they show that could show interest or not. For example, if you text and it takes him a few days to answer that would show a possible lack of romantic interest, or if they don't answer at all that would show no interest. Neither of those seem to be the case with you. When someone is interested they will show interest in how your day is, how you are doing, check in with you, etc. With the distance that may make him a little more cautious. Have you had conversations with him about what he is looking for in general?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

No I haven't. Seems too quick to ask. Yeah he will respond in time but not checking in on my daily activities or try to learn more about me. Not sure if it is because it is long distance and just one meeting.

Ps I said I miss the kiss. And he said yes it was nice and he didn't want to leave. How do you interpret this response and what should I do next?

Counselor: therapist325, Counselor replied 2 years ago
If he said that the kiss was nice and didn't want to leave that is a good sign! That means he liked being with you. The distance may be the issue and him dealing with daily life things. Since there was only one date he may also still be trying to figure things out but knows that he did enjoy the date with you. I think your next step is just to continue talking with him and see where things go. I know that isn't the greatest answer but I think with the distance, only one date, etc. that is the best thing for you to do. Men will show when they are interested. They will make sure to maintain contact with someone they want to be with. If he is doing that so far, then he is interested on some level. We as girls like to know and analyze everything. Don't drive yourself too crazy analyzing it all. Just continue to get to know him and things will fall into place.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago

Yes we enjoyed it. But I just don't know if the long distance thing would defeat him and he wouldn't know if we could ever meet again. Plus, if he is just seeking something casual, even there is good time, it is over and he could just be polite now. How does the situation feel to you: was it because of long distance? Or more leaning toward he is seeking something casual? Is it just sexual interest or both?

So at this stage should I go ahead ask if he is willing to travel a few hours to see me? Or wait till it gets closer to the date?

Chat every 2-3 days? Would it be too frequent to continue doing this for 3 months? Also he has asked me much questions to get to know more about me yet. What do you think? Not interested because he is seeking casual or maybe because the long distance nature again?

Customer reply replied 2 years ago

Hi I thought I just have some follow up questions but didn't hear from you. I could still give you the credit. Thanks,

Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,712
1,712 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

TherapistMaryAnn is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,712 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it's hurting our relationship?… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
1,712 satisfied customers
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart and soul, poured into this how do I go about getting another present that as good as you… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does feel an emotional bond He says he does not know if is me or he might have Asperger S. He has After 6 months he has never sais he likes me N… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Thank you for your response about my relationship. I do
Thank you John for your response about my relationship. I do understand what you are saying and I have decided to give him space. He told me yesterday that he thinks he needs some space because he isn… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found
Hi, my boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found out that I was meeting with a guy friend of mine to talk. I didn't tell him I was meeting up with him and he found out because he track… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I
Hey I was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I stupidly deleted him because I was going through a lot and took it out on him but I added him back and he hasn't deleted me again I have s… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
I'm having a real issue. I just ended my engagement at the
I just ended my engagement at the end of July and moved away. When I ended the engagement I was on anti-depressants. We remained friends and then one day he said he didn't want to talk anymore and didn't want to text and didn't want to see each other anymore. It threw me for a loop but I was okay with it. I am coming off of Paxil and starting something new. And now it feels as if I'm having feelings I didn't know I had. I wonder if I made the wrong decision. And now he won't answer my calls my texts nothing. I've known him since 7th grad and we got engaged at 35 to each other. Our relationship was very passionate. The highs were so high and the lows so low. I miss him. It's my birthday today and the first one I have spent without him and he won't answer my calls or emails. I know this sounds like a stalker but we were engaged for god's sake. I'm not just some one night stand. And now I'm thinking because I was on an antidepressant I made the worst decision of my life. I am highly emotional right now and so very depressed … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
You helped me before and I would like your advice again. I
This is for Therapist Mary Ann Hi Mary Ann, You helped me before and I would like your advice again. I will give you a lot of history in a nut shell for you to understand.Me: raised by my mother she h… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
1,712 satisfied customers
I went on a date with this really great guy. We really hit
I went on a date with this really great guy. We really hit it off so well that I made the mistake of sleeping with him. Afterwards, he still seemed very interested from calling, texting, and wanting t… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she broke up with me because she said I wasn't who I used to be ans i created doubt in her mind about us). A week after we broke up she started … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my soulmate. It's been the most painful breakup I've ever experienced. Even though we were only together a little over a year, we had a very deep con… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
I have a question about something that keeps coming up, and
I have a question about something that keeps coming up, and perhaps I need a males perspective… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
I dreamed last nignt in black an, that the man that i
hello i dreamed last nignt in black an white , that the man that i secretly love was combing my hair. i was sitting on the floor my head on his lap , he had a black com and he was so gentle combing an… read more
DreamsBySue
DreamsBySue
Social Worker
Masters Degree (MSW)
68 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married just under a year. We have lived together for 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in husbands home “village” after independent city life since graduating as a pharmacist 20+ years ago. I was a high achiever in everything I did… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told us we are a distraction to her now. We don't know how to talk to her because she only likes to txt and everything we say seems to be the wron… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that do not belong to her (my old cell phone, several of my rings, neighbor girl's shoes) and lies about it. Like one of the other readers, she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x