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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1694
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My husband and I are going thru problems. I have moved out

Customer Question

My husband and I are going thru problems. I have moved out of our apartment about two weeks ago and I am now staying with my parents. Would I marriage survive us living apart?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
Hello-hoping to help with your question a little. I am sorry you are having some troubles in your relationship. That can be a very hard thing to go through. There is no right answer for your question, but I will try to break it down a little to help. Although there is no for sure certainty of the direction a relationship will go, separation in living apart does not mean the relationship will not survive. Sometimes the time apart can be beneficial for the relationship. Some people get what I like to call "stuck in a rut" with life. Just going through routines of daily living. This happens to all of us at one time or another. Relationships also go through stages and have difficulties. Sometimes living apart for awhile works for some couples. It helps bring perspective of what life would be like without that person. For some people that makes them realize that life without them is not what they thought it would be, they realize how much they love and care for the other person (maybe realizing what they were taking for granted). So can a relationship survive time apart, the answer is yes. Does that mean that yours will I can not say that for sure. A relationship will only survive when both partners are actively working on it together, if that makes sense. What are your thoughts so far?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It makes sense. My husband and I have gone back to the "dating" stage. We are now finding more things in common with each other, are getting involved in the same hobbies where before it felt like we had nothing in common, now it seems we are finding all sorts of things we enjoy doing together. When we first met everything was great we enjoyed going out, enjoyed each others company and just had tons of fun after we got married and started living with each other we suddenly stopped having fun, like you said seems we were in a rut. We both got home from work, I cooked dinner cleaned and got ready for bed to do it all over again the next day. Weekends came around and we didn't do the fun things we once did either he was too tired from work or preferred for us to do what he wanted to do like visit friends, stay at home invite people over, etc. it just seemed that everything he wanted to do involved other people and never just us two going out by ourselves enjoying each other's company. I do not mind spending a day with friends or family once in awhile but I not all the time, we never got to spend time just us two together and during the week with our work schedules it was impossible for a nice evening. Now we have been spending time just us two going out and like I said enjoying each others company and it has been really nice. I did feel like he was taking me for granted when we were living together because he knew I was there, now that I am not here I am seeing a different side of him.
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like you both are really working on making your relationship a priority right now and learning how to reconnect again. That is amazing and sounds like you are getting what you need from this moment of separation. It is so easy for relationships or just our life to get stuck in those "ruts'. Dealing with work, responsibilities, etc can be overwhelming at times and take us down a little. It sounds like you both are doing a great job on coping with the separation as a way to bring you both closer again!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Its definitely bringing us closer but it is very challenging. We are looking to get some sort of marriage counseling hopefully that will help.

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