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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My husband basically removed me from his life. Excluded me

Customer Question

My husband basically removed me from his life. Excluded me from social gatherings,removed me from Facebook, and said untrue things about me to coworkers and family. This went on for two years. He claimed it was to make his 23 year old daughter happy. Suddenly he acts like nothing happend. I do not want to suddenly reemerge to his social circle without an explanation. He states he doesn't know why he did this or say he was being a good dad. I believe he had an affair. Opinion?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
Based on what you are saying, it sounds like your husband was doing something he did not want you to know about. One way to tell if he was telling the truth is to see if his daughter is treating you poorly and shuts you out of her life the way your husband did during that time. If so, and your husband has a history of catering to what his daughter wants over what you need from him, then he could be telling the truth.
However, if his daughter seems to be ok with you and is not demanding her father exclude you or shut you out, then it is possible he had an affair and wanted to hide your existence from whoever he was with.
Your husband should not be shutting you out no matter what anyone else wants nor should he expect you to accept being shut out for any reason.
It sounds like he would benefit from therapy. If he is willing to go, then tell him you want to resolve this through therapy. But if not, you may benefit from going on your own to see how you want to handle what your husband did.
You may also want to talk to him about the fact that what he did was mean to you and that it was not acceptable. If he was telling the truth, then he should not be allowing his adult daughter to dictate how he treats you. You should come first. But if he was having an affair, then he is putting himself first in the marriage and harming your ability to trust him. Therapy should be non negotiable. If he won't go, then you might want to consider a temporary separation in order to get his attention regarding how damaging his behavior is towards you.
Here are some resources to help you:
Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage
by Lee Raffel
I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship
by Mira Kirshenbaum
I hope this has helped you,
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