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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3436
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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So my ex-boyfriend just messaged me this afternoon

Customer Question

Hi, So my ex-boyfriend just messaged me this afternoon saying "Hi, sorry for unfriending you, hope you will accept my friend request." After I accepted, he asked after how I've been doing (it's only a week since our break-up) and my feelings after the
break-up. Then we really talked about how we felt, and he admitted to feeling really angry and hating me because my online activities showed that I have moved on too quickly. He also admitted to checking my facebook profile and that the past week was terrible
to him. However, here's the problem: I used to tell him before it will normally take me a few months to gather myself after a relationship. But then everything I did, for example, I posted a long note about how sad I felt after my high school graduation, made
him feel betrayed, like he was fooled into believing me. I haven't moved on this fast, but true, the sadness the graduation brought suppressed that of my relationship. He also told me that the anger and discomfort has really prevented him from studying or
doing anything else. I know we are both not over each other, but throughout the talk he was also saying: "Don't worry, you will soon get over me in the next two weeks at most.", "You won't pay attention if I'm alive or won't care if I have problems by then
anymore", "Supposing I ask to get back together, will you still be willing to change yourself for me like what you told me before?" When I answered I don't know to most of his questions, he reluctantly answered: "kay I understand. That means you're making
a good healing progress. It's making you less certain about feeling sad for a long time" and similar stuffs. We ended the conversation with his saying "Hope you will soon overcome everything". I am really confused now. While I would like to get back with him,
I don't know if he showed any signs that he was thinking the same, because all he's feeling for me now is hatred (though less severe than before) and discomfort. Can you give me any advice on how to deal with this situation? Thank you.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
He still thinks that you need to change...unless he lets go of that, any getting back together won't last long because you will be right back where you were.
If you miss him, tell him so, but e this idea that you will be changing to how he sees fit. That is not a relationship and not an acceptance of who you are...makes it all about him