Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Back in 2013 my friend and I were talking about living together,I…

Customer Question
Back in 2013 my friend...
Back in 2013 my friend and I were talking about living together,I wasnt ready yet; I had no job and it was about a month before I got accepted for disability. Once I did get accepted She tells me that she didnt think $517 wasn't enough for rent and utilities, but I told her if I had a roomie, then they would pay me enough. Meanwhile I kept saving to move by then I was ready and had over $1000. I kept waiting for her to say something and I reminding her that I still wanted to live together, she kept telling me I should also get a job, but its harder for me since I have little experience; I've had interviews and no calls back. A few months go by and she said she found another roomie that she though was "more on the ball with things" and said I couldnt stay there cause there was no room, but she said maybe we can live together this year. In January I went to visit her, ( I should also mention we live a few states away) While I was there we she thought I didn't really enjoy myself cause I was shy around other people except her. It was only because I'm shy in general and I was in a whole different state. Though I DID talk a fair amount to people that would talk to me. I'm also someone that doesn't get to go out much or see that many friends in person, since most of them are in different states. At times she thought I just wanted to sit at home all day and play video games or cards, I only wanted to do that because I rarely get to do that with friends. We did go places, like the mall, the movies, restaurants, a guitar store, and ohayocon. I also found out that she was gonna have a second roomie, it was her roomies idea to have her movie in otherwise she'd be homeless. I thought to myself, "WTF??? she told me that there was no room in this place? If this new roomie came along and was able to move in I couldve done the same damn thing. Why didnt my friend tell me this??? I also wanted to be together as a couple, since we have alot in common and have a similar disposition. I talked about twice if she wanted to be with me and she didnt want to. It wasn't till the last day, I felt like cuddling and laid on top her (in an innocent way) I tried one last time if she wanted to be with me as a couple and still didn't I was upset and she ended up crying cause she was tired of me begging. To her she felt "emotionally raped" and lost some trust in me. I aplogized more times than I could count, but she stills holds a grudge. After my visit she said she didn't think we were gonna live together. Because of what happend and also thought I didn't enjoy myself, (which wasn't true) I kept telling her and promised I wouldn't beg to stay with her again, She just wouldn't believe me and told me to live with someone else. I didn't wanna do that because We've known each other for years and she's someone I trust. I don't want to find a random person that I don't know well since I wanna move asap, and none of my other friends are able to yet. She told me that she wanted to live with one of her other friends; this person has a job and is able to live on their own and was 10 times easier to find another roomie, but can't and neither can I. She also said that she didn't w***** *****ve with me cause of the whole driving issue and with my disability and thought that I would be her "caretaker." But she drives her other friend places. I'm not severely disabled; I can walk and talk, I'm not in a wheelchair, I just have vision problems and limp a little due to medical conditions, but Its not THAT worry some, more of a mild case. Later on she makes a deal with me, she says if I don't beg to stay with her, or mention about living together, she would be willing to consider me moving in when the lease was up. She wanted me to do this for 3 months minimum. I thought that was fair and went along with it. A few weeks past and she says that the roomie that would've been homeless, was still gonna stay with her; she was gonna live with someone else, but that person was gonna go live with her sister. I told her why doesn't she tell the roomie that can't drive to go find someone else? She said no, which I think is completely unfair, since I've been waiting for the longest time, and she just met this friend when she moved there a year ago. So I thought It would be pointless to do the "not mention about being roomies for 3 months" because the homeless roomie would be living there and 3 people was the max amount for that house. So what do you think? Am I the smarter one in this situation? Do you think she's being silly about feeling emotionally raped just because I asked to be together as a couple? Do you think I deserve to me roomies AFTER I apologized a million times? Who do you think is being more mature in this situation? All I did way lay on top cause I wanted to cuddle, to her she thought it was pinning her down and forcing to stay with me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 19 hours by:
6/22/2015
Counselor: VA-NP, Nurse (RN) replied 3 years ago
VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16,528
Experience: Nurse Practitioner
Verified
Hi,
Welcome to Just Answer and thanks for your question. My name is ***** ***** I will do whatever I can to try to help you.
Actually, I think that you will never be roomies with this person. She has made it clear over the past months that she is unwilling to live with you either platonically or as a couple. That has nothing to do with maturity, and/or what you call "deserving." One doesn't "deserve" to be a roomie because they have been asking to for the longest time. She may feel that the constant pressure is emotional blackmail (or emotional rape to use her term). No one can "make" anyone do anything. You can only control your own behavior.
Evidently this lady is trying to move on with her life as kindly as possible out of regard for your feelings. However, it's plain to an outside observer that the relationship is going nowhere on any front. You need to find another housemate and get on with your life as well. Worrying over this one is just a waste of your time and energy.
Everyone goes through a period of unease when they contemplate sharing an apartment or house with someone they don't know well. You will need to discuss this with your future housemate thoroughly, and set some rules before you sign a lease. I would also suggest your find housing convenient to public transportation so you won't have to depend on anyone else to drive you places.
I'm sure it will be difficult to manage on only $517 a month since that has to cover your half of rent and utilities as well as your food, clothing, medical, insurance, entertainment, transportation, and everything else. In many places it won't even cover half of the monthly rent.
The best way to meet a possible housemate is to get out in the public and circulate. This many be by volunteering, attending church/synagogue/mosque, sporting events, etc. You aren't likely to meet local people (who might be potential friends) if you don't get out among them.
Please let me know if you have questions or concerns.
All the best,
Schuyler
~
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 3 years ago
Oh yea? Well I'm gonna prove you wrong.
Cause I've been thru hell with this.
Counselor: VA-NP, Nurse (RN) replied 3 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask VA-NP Your Own Question
VA-NP
VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16,528
16,528 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Nurse Practitioner

VA-NP is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,741 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

377 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I broke my ex boyfriends heart and now he won't talk to me..
I broke my ex boyfriends heart and now he won't talk to me.. … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
377 satisfied customers
My husband left me 2 weeks ago after 22 years of marriage.
Hi! My name is***** husband left me 2 weeks ago after 22 years of marriage. We have a 11 year old son together.How do I get him to come back … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I have some relationship problems can't make new friends I
I have some relationship problems can't make new friends I need the opinion of an expert in relationships maybe I get some tips how to improve my social skills … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I need advice on how to continue with my relationship. Have
I need advice on how to continue with my relationship … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
Wait til you hear this one.. I've been divorced for almost
Wait til you hear this one..I've been divorced for almost 14 years now. Was in a loveless marriage. I was very young and fathered 5 children in 10 years.Post divorce I raised the children solo and my … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
The high school not so sweet heart called me and left a
Hi Jen, The high school not so sweet heart called me and left a message asking how I am doing and for me to call him back. Couldn't hear the entire message, was muffled. I wonder if he was drinking. I… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
My daughter, whom I have a strained relationship with, just
My daughter, whom I have a strained relationship with, just texted me and asked me to come over to her home on Saturday for cake and ice cream forms birthday. . I am living with my significant other a… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
How do I talk to him about his texting habits? I've recently
How do I talk to him about his texting habits?I've recently started seeing a co-worker of mine. When we are together everything is amazing. He's affectionate, listens to me, shares about himself, resp… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I'm in a new relationship with a man. We both have kids with
Hi. I'm in a new relationship with a man. We both have kids with our exes. And we're having a challenge wanting to spend special occasions together, because our exes aren't ready to accept us, let alo… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,741 satisfied customers
My Soon to be Husband wants to relocate from Columbus Ohio
My Soon to be Husband wants to relocate from Columbus Ohio to Houston Texas where he will work with his Father and where his Father has bought us a house. I have shared parenting with my sons father. … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
Abbott, how are you today? I'm doing ok. I went to see my
Hi Dr. Abbott, how are you today? I'm doing ok. I went to see my psychologist yesterday and everything was fine you know thinking the usual then I got to thinking “maybe I don't want to be with a girl… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a situation i need help with. I am a sophomore girl
i am a sophomore girl in college and within the last few months became very close with a senior boy. he seemed very interested - would ask to hang out, invited me out with his friends, would text me just to check in. after a few months of nothing, i told him ihad feelings and he said that he didn't reciprocate and that he acted along so as not to hurt my feelings bcause he knew i had feelings. we continued to be friends, but he still flirted. he graduated a week ago, and i just received something in the mail. he mailed me his graduation gown with a note saying "keep a small piece of me alive at school for the next two years!" i dont know what to make of this or if tehre's anything i should do … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
How do I talk to him about his texting habits? I've recently
Second opinion] How do I talk to him about his texting habits?I've recently started seeing a co-worker of mine. When we are together everything is amazing. He's affectionate, listens to me, shares abo… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us
Hello. I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us needs to get married, we have commitment in our hearts. The problem has always been his daughter. She lost her mother to a drug overdose … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been together for almost 5. Her family is visiting us from Romania and she has known her brother-in-law for many years....however, this past week… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
How to interpret mixed signals from a guy? He seems great
How to interpret mixed signals from a guy? He seems great and interested in person but comes off as uninterested in text messages?… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
I just mate this guy. Through social media. 4 weeks ago.he
i just mate this guy. Through social media. 4 weeks ago.he lives another statefor school. he talkes about marriage how he loves me all. But the problem he asking me to visit him to keep the relationship go.I told him wait i don't want be physical with before marriage. he keep nagging me if i dont go see him he will brokeup. i loved him already. I dont want lose him???? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I recently found the generic Viagra in my husbands nitebag/
Hi, I recently found the generic Viagra in my husbands nitebag/ We live in 2 cities and have been very busy with work, family, etc.. We haven't had sex for a month right now When I confronted him ( ca… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x