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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I live in USA but am originally from another country. My wife

Customer Question

I live in USA but am originally from another country. My wife here in USA put me into severe financial debt by running up credit card bills to the tune of $30,000. She even went as far as to change the address on 2 of the cards to a friends home so I wouldnt know. I found out. She also used to take her rings off when she went out - I saw this in photographs. I decided I had to head back to my native country for a while to try recover from the financial difficulty because I had better options there. I have been overseas for a good part of the past 3 years but do come back to USA for 3-4 months each year. we have a 7 year old child and I have now found out through photographs and online facebook updates and the like that there is a guy here who she spends a lot of time with. I have photos of them even on a beach holiday last year (with my child and his child and a few other friends). My child has even stated that he has stayed over. I have brought this all to her attention and she gets angry and says they are just friends and he helps her because I was the one who abandoned them. We have no intimacy. i have been back for 3 months this trip and absolutely nothing. I have never met this guy and dont obviously want to. What is my plan of attack to tell her she is hurting me severely and that the decision to go overseas for a better job was to solely earn more money to try pay off the debts she incurred and to continue to pay for my house and the roof I put over her head.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
Given that your wife seems to be cheating and is ignoring your feelings about her behavior, you have a couple of options for your next step. One, you can ask her to go to counseling with you. That way, the two of you can work out what is causing your wife to act out this way with a counselor's help. You need to express your feelings to her and she needs to work on regaining your trust. The counselor can help you repair your marriage and regain the love you had for each other.
Two, you can consider divorce. She has cheated on you, which is grounds for divorce. You will need to consult an attorney about your rights, responsibilities and what you can do about child custody. If you feel your wife is harming your child by her behavior, you can let the attorney know that as well. This is the more difficult route to take and it is painful, but if your wife will not stop cheating and refuses to work on these issues with you, you only have two options- either stay and learn to live with her behavior or file for divorce. It may be the best choice to get your child out of that situation and for you to heal and move on.
I hope this has helped you,
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