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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1700
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My second husband and I have many, many issues. ,

Customer Question

My second husband and I have many, many issues. For starters, he gets very frustrated with my kids (13 and 10) and either ignores my kids or completely lashes out.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My 10 year old son has ADHD, which is challenging for us, but not terrible. At least not for me. He says I am not a good disciplinarian and therefore I allow his behavior. I have taken him to counseling, do in fact establish consequences for behavior, but it is true that I am a nurturer. I'm ok with that. My husband is very black and white and harsh. But not with his kids, who are 4 and 6. He will always use their ages as an excuse. He doesn't have much of an issue with my daughter, who is 13, because she is such a pleaser and does almost everything she is expected to do. We have fought so much and threatened divorce so many times that my husband now says he just won't be involved in anything with my kids because he "can't win."
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We have tried counseling (multiple different ones) but he just continues to blame me for everything that he doesn't like. Constantly tells me that I allow people to walk all over me but he is not one to be taken advantage of. He has major issues with my ex, my kids father, and that's a whole other issue. His mentality is that he shouldn't be "disturbed" in his own house. He feels that because he pays the mortgage (even though the house is in my name and I pay for other household expenses), that the house is his and we are all just visitors. It's miserable.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am sorry that you are having this issue with your husband, I can understand how distressing this can possibly be for you. I would like to ask you a few questions to get a better idea of what you are looking for, so that I can better assist you
1. I understand that you and your husband have a number of issues, with some involving your 10 year old son who had ADHD, but I did not see a question posed in your description, so may I ask what exactly is your question that you would like assistance with?
2. Do you believe that therapy did not work for you and your husband because your husband is not willing to compromise?
3. And because therapy was not effective, and most likely will not be effective in the future, are you willing to accept the possibility that your husband's behavior will only continue as he does not want to change?