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DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 363
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Was just wondering, do you have any advice like

Customer Question

Was just wondering, do you have any advice for someone like me, who has been on their own for over 13yrs, I'm 61, but a very youthfull fit person for my age, I go to the gym, and still work full time at a hospital, as a shift worker, but even though I have dated in the past, I still haven't found the right person. I have become quite content on my own, but feel it would be nice if there was a special someone in my life, so what am I doing wrong, I feel lost in this situation. Juliana.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
First, you are not necessarily doing anything "wrong." You seem like an incredibly wonderful catch--you support yourself, you raised children probably on your own or mostly on your own, you work full-time and work out at the gym! That is what I would call a very special catch!
Don't give you totally on online dating. While there are so many negatives (you hit the nail on the head--there are "dysfunctional" men and women on there who can disguise some bad qualities for awhile due to being online), maybe you could try different dating sites. You know the saying, "You get what you pay for." Some of the ones who are probably more pricey are probably attracting more serious dating people--they are willing to pay more to get more. Sites like eHarmony do try to match you with someone who is more compatible.
Second, there are groups of all kinds that you can meet with online--hobby or interest groups. You can find interest groups for those who like to ride motorcycles, those who like to attend art festivals, those who enjoy boating or horse racing or dog shows. And even though many of these interest groups are online, you can also find local interest groups. You may need to do some searches on your home city/town homepage, but I guarantee you you will find all kinds of chat and bulletin boards online and with physical local meetings where you can meet people with similar interests face-to-face.
Third, again, the internet is a great place to start. If an actual group does not appeal to you, at least check out local events happening, many of which are free or low-price. From art showings to musical festivals to car shows, nature walking, classic movie showings, etc. you can absolutely find these events in your town or in nearby towns.
Fourth, if you have religious roots or have some type of faith, there are all kinds of faith-based events in the community. In my own home town, the local Greek Orthodox church holds food festivals for the entire community several times a year. It's a neat way to try different foods and meet people. Our Jewish Community Center and other Baptist and Catholic churches do the same thing. You don't have to be a member of that particular faith or even of any faith to go out and get some good food and meet people.
Fifth, you work out at a gym. If your gym offers aerobics classes or especially water type classes, start attending. In my 20's I actually took water aerobics due to a severe back injury/surgery and met many men and women in their 60's and up. It was so awesome! In my experience, the women did outnumber the men, but the men sure had their pick of flirting with the ladies (and did!!! :-) ). Or if your gym seems to have a younger crowd (I avoid places like Gold's now that I am not in college :-) ), see if you can get cheap temporary memberships to different gyms. I know it might be out of the way or out of your routine, but hey, the equipment is the same or similar, right? And it would be worth it to meet men who are just as interested in preserving their health and fitness as you!
Sixth, volunteer in community things. No matter where you live, it's spring and more people are out now, working outside than in the winter. There are community gardens that are begging for volunteers as are clean-up groups like "Adopt-a-Highway" and community street cleaning Saturdays. Many nice men are impressed with women who are willing to give up part of a weekend to do good for the community. Helping in soup kitchens or in other projects is the same principle. Again, the great thing about volunteering is that it shows you care about others.
Seventh, use your connections and don't be afraid to. Working at a hospital, I'm sure you have many female friends. Ask them to introduce you to men who have similar interests as you. I love telling this story because it's so encouraging (in my opinion). My own grandmother is going strong at 97--she is in assisted living but is sharp as a tack. When she was in her late 80s, she lost her husband, my grandfather to a heart attack. A fellow the same age lost his wife to cancer within 6 months of my grandfather passing. A mutual friend took them to breakfast, and they became fast friends. The man had a housekeeper and didn't drive anymore due to a leg injury. So my grandmother in her late 80s and up until 92 when he passed away used to drive 20 minutes over the mountain to see her "boyfriend." The housekeeper every day made them 3 meals except once or twice a week when my grandmother would drive them to a favorite restaurant. They spent their days watching old John Wayne movies, playing cards, and just talking. On nice days they would get his wheelchair and her cane and take walks around his once-farmed estate (with the younger housekeeper keeping watch). If 90-year-old people can find "soul mates" with similar interests to date, then trust me, anyone of any age can. :-)
In short, there are many ways that you can put yourself in situations to meet nice men with similar attitudes/goals. I hope I have given you a place to start. I'm willing to continue if you would like. Please let me know.
Take good care,
==Dr. Jackie
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
I see you haven't rated our chat or "ACCEPTED." If I haven't helped, would you please give the opportunity to answer with more detail? I strive for 100% customer satisfaction. So I want to make sure I am helping, and if not, I want to try harder.
I hope you have considered some things and exploring some possibilities :-) If not, I can research some more opportunities that may be helpful. Or I can opt out if you would like another expert's opinion. I won't be offended--our goal here on JA is to help the customer and make sure s/he is satisfied with our research and help! :-)
--Dr. Jackie

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