Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

My name is***** month ago I was dating someone I really

Customer Question
Hi, My name is***** month...
Hi, My name is***** month ago I was dating someone I really care about and all of a sudden we got a sexual infection. At that time we acted very maturely about it. We went under tests and we got our treatments, everything went well. We obviously discussed the origin of this. We both dated people a month prior to having sex but since we had unprotected sex we never knew who was the responsible. A month after we broke up. He never included that episode amongst the reasons for finishing but I know it took its toll. Actually after that we never had sex again like before... We broke up. But I was intrigued and contacted the person I had sex with before him, and yes, he admitted he had an STD. Now I know the truth. My question is... Should I tell my ex what really happened? If yes, when would it be a right time?
I love him so bad and I feel he got a bit scared. He is not even out of the closed. I don't want to destroy the little hope that I might see him some day.
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
He is 22. And I am 34. He is attracted to more mature people.
Answered in 1 hour by:
5/25/2015
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 2 years ago
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 368
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
Verified
Hi,
I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication researcher/professor and relationship expert. I want to help.
I'm so sorry you broke up with someone you really cared about. Since you know the truth, yes, I would tell him. You care about him still, and he should know the truth. But also to answer your question, you may want to wait until you see if you can start dating again. This is not something that you just blurt out.
I don't see any other reasons listed for why you broke up, but I think you are right--the infection probably was one major source. It breaks up gay, straight, and bi-sexual couples all the time. So you are definitely not going through this as a rare thing. But the good news is that you both are treated and I am assuming doing much better--that is good news! Why don't you see if you can meet him for a drink or coffee or lunch--something that isn't quite as obvious as a date like dinner or movie, etc. A drink or coffee or lunch might be a place to start to admit how you feel about him, that you miss him, and that you would be willing to take it slowly and see if you can build something. If he agrees, once you start dating, you will find the right time to tell him, like before you become intimate again.
If he just does not want to date right now, then ask to see him anyway for a drink or any other options so that you can tell him face-to-face. This is not really something you text or FB or Skype about, right? I think you would feel better telling him. So in short, I would try to see if there is still something to build a relationship on. If so, then you can tell him before you become intimate. If there is no chance, then in my opinion, you should meet and tell him anyway. At least he will know that his previous partner didn't give it to him.
I hope this makes sense. I'll send you my phone and Skype info if you want to discuss this more. Or you can write back if you want more answers/more information.
I wish you the best!
--Dr. Jackie
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.
He told meabout sharing a coffee a few days ago... He is not contacting me now but eventually he might do it. When all that happened we moved on, but I think we were in the shadow of how come? He traveled, immediately after, and when he came back he was distant, sexually uninterested... Till I asked what is going on? Are we ok?
Only then he found a way to express certain feelings. I did not mentioned but from the very beginning we knew it was mend to end because he was moving to a different city in a matter of a month -ish. So the reason he expressed for the break up were "I am in a serious relationship, and I wanted to avoid this at this moment of my life", also "I am having that relationship with a man". "We are going to get hurt when I have to leave..." He said, I like you and I am interested in you but am leaving. I always had the feeling that the infection issue also took it's toll... I will wait for that coffee, or for an opportunity to talk to him in person regardless when that is possible. I want to be honest. And more importantly I want him in my life, even as a friend. What do you think?
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 2 years ago
Hi again,
I wanted to write you back to let you know I have to get to a family gathering for Memorial Day but I'll try to write back tonight with my thoughts on this post! :-)
Best,
--Dr. Jackie
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you so much. Have a nice one Jackie. See you then.
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 2 years ago
Hi Ivan,
Our family get-together lasted a bit longer into last night, so unfortunately by the time we got home and got our three little ones to bed, I thought I would close my eyes for 5 minutes and be able to write you back. I crashed and didn't wake up--so sorry about that.
OK just to make sure I understand--when the two of you met, you knew it was only a temporary thing because he was moving to another city, right? Also, again just to be clear, he has been involved in another relationship, a pretty serious relationship? If I understand correctly, and he was already committed to another person, then do you think in his mind when you two got together that you were an affair? I do not mean that at all in a disrespectful way to you--I'm just trying to figure out what he may have been thinking when you met and he was attracted to you. And I certainly do not believe after what you have shared that you were "just an affair"--I just mean that perhaps in his mind it started that way, he developed "more-than-affair feelings for you," then things got very complicated when you two had the infection, etc.
Do you think maybe things unfolded as I am suggesting? If so, then he probably is right about it being so hard to let go--knowing a long distance relationship would be difficult, etc.
Let me ask this--do you think he is still committed to this man you mentioned? I mean, if he is moving (or already has moved?) to the new city, he is essentially in the same boat of having a long distance relationship. And let me at least give you some stats--long distance relationships don't have to be as unsatisfying as one may think. If you can video chat and make time for that as much as possible...if your relationship grows, you can find ways to save money to travel to each other and eventually maybe even be together. The distance allows the relationship to grow at an even pace without the every day "drama" of getting irritated about who takes out the trash, walks the dog, leaves the toothpaste cap off, etc. So studies show that long distance relationships CAN be as satisfying or MORE satisfying if both persons are committed to one another.
So, if he is having second thoughts about the other individual, it is possible to keep in contact and maybe have a long distance relationship. I don't want to keep your hopes up. But certainly your ex has questioned his own commitment to the other man or else he would not have been involved with you. So please do communicate as soon as possible. You need to know one way or another if he is "over" this other relationship or if he is still in it, if he is willing to keep in contact long distance and see how things go, etc. If it is over, you deserve closure so that you can "grieve" and work through this and be kind to yourself and eventually be able to want to date again.
I hope that makes sense. I should be on and off JA today, so feel free to write back.
I wish you the best--I know it must be very hard given everything you have been through with this special person in such a short amount of time. And you deserve to know what he is feeling!
Take good care,
--Dr. Jackie
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 2 years ago
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Ask DrJackiePhD Your Own Question
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 368
368 Satisfied Customers
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

DrJackiePhD is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

368 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and
HelloI have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and i am 34, and shes ready for marriage. She actually has been wanting it for many years, and she actually fights with me about it from ti… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens to be from my hometown for about 2 months. I really like him but I'm not sure if I'm being a fool just waiting around for it to become a re… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he has been clear he is none exclusive - initally we both dated others , after he went away for 3 weeks we focussed on each other but now i am… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy
Hi Jen , Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy who I have declined a date with wrote me back two weeks later and asked me why I declined his offer to go to dinner. He was my boyf… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and couldnt stop... I Feel like fool now.. He moved out of his apartment and im still here.. He asked to move out two weeks ago.. I have yet to … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my wife and she kicked me out. The oldest daughter proved that the younger was lieing but my wife won't talk to me or answer texts she said she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again
my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again become obsessed with tracking down a former fiancee who ended the relationship in 1967. He had a previous 'episode' 16 years ago, a a time o… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I know that we still care for each other, but he says that he wants to be friends and that too much trust has been damaged in the relationship lo… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A
my ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A week later she was dating someone new. Her and I were still having sex until the end of Oct. So she was cheating on him weekly with me. Now … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it's hurting our relationship?… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart and soul, poured into this how do I go about getting another present that as good as you… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire relationship. Me finding texts to other women, catching him in ringing women, you name it. We now have a child together. My sexual urges are c… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does feel an emotional bond He says he does not know if is me or he might have Asperger S. He has After 6 months he has never sais he likes me N… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Thank you for your response about my relationship. I do
Thank you John for your response about my relationship. I do understand what you are saying and I have decided to give him space. He told me yesterday that he thinks he needs some space because he isn… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I
Hi. My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I enjoyed a drink at the end of the day to relax. That hasn't changed as I still enjoy a drink after work. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found
Hi, my boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found out that I was meeting with a guy friend of mine to talk. I didn't tell him I was meeting up with him and he found out because he track… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I
Hey I was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I stupidly deleted him because I was going through a lot and took it out on him but I added him back and he hasn't deleted me again I have s… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x