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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3493
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have been married years my husband left me and

Customer Question

I have been married for fifteen years my husband left me and my two children five years ago stating he felt I didn't support him and he didn't love me any more this came out of the blue as I felt we had a good marriage in every way, we were separated for 8 months and in this time he had a "friendship " with a lady to whom he introduced our children too. I was extremely hurt and partly in revenge part loneliness I turned to my ex and was intimate with him on two occasions but did not have intercourse with the ex. After 8 months my husband said he had made a mistake and wished to come home I was elated and welcomed him back to the family despite many family & friends disapproving. I was completely honest about my liaison with my ex, my husband forgave me but was adamant he had not been unfaithful during our break which I am still unsure about. Now four years later he has left again despite promising me this would not happen, he has blamed me totally for the failure of our marriage saying he could not get over my actions with my old ex from five years ago, since our initial break he has never mentioned any of this but iam really struggling as I love him dearly and feel guilty for the failure of the marriage. Currently he again has very quickly formed a new 'friendship" I am consumed with mixed emotions as are the children.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.

Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I am sorry to hear of how much pain you are in. I am also sorry that he places the blame on you...he has left...twice..and you had every right to connect with whomever you desired. Him using the ex as a reason he left is a way to deflect his own actions.
I know you are hurting, but it sounds to me like mourning needs to happen so that healing will come. I hear your love for him, but it does sound to me like things are over and it would be hard to go back and nor do I hear a desire on his part to go back and be together. So, it is up to you now to figure out how to move forward with your life and your children and begin your healing.