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Ok do my fiance and I been together for 3 yrs

Ok do my fiance and...

Ok do my fiance and I been together for 3 yrs now and currently in a long distance relationship. Well few mnths ago I bought him a new cell phne as his bday present he hasn't hooked it up yet but 4 days ago he broke his old phne and told me he has a friend who works at the sprint store (who he never mentioned) and dropped off the phne I bought him to get it hooked up. Well its been 4 days now and he tells me he hasnt picked it up and he's using his work phne to call me. Issue is I have his online account info and I logged on to sprint.com and I noticed he's been using his cell phne to call two different numbers obviously I'm nosey and did the reverse look up and its two women. He still tells me he hasn't picked it up yet when I can see he's using it and its not to call me. How do I confront him about this. Ill be seeing him in 2 weeks and I rather do it in person then on the phone 

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Answered in 28 minutes by:
12/9/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Dear friend,

Either someone else is using his phone, or he is indeed calling two women friends secretly.

You could have a friend from another city call him on that number and see who answers. They can ask for him and talk about anything just long enought to confirm that it is him.

You can also call the Sprint store and find out if it was picked up.

If he is secretely calling other women, what would you want to say to him?

You can also call the other women, and chat with them and tell them that you are a mutual friend and see what you can learn.

If you do this, then he will be on the defense if this was really his call (as you suspect it was).

Do both woman one after the other so that he can't alert the second one.

Then you may not have to decide what to tell him. He will have to decide what to tell you?

Don't say anyothing if you make the calls. Let HIM react. Don't say a word. You will know by his eyes and body language.

I do hope this turns out to be just some mixup, but it frankly doesn't look very good.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I know those two women and I told him year ago I dnt feel comfortable him talking to them and he's toold me that he will cut them off . I rather not call them because I will lose it. I rather confront him but I'm scared to tell him I was being nosey and have his account info. Its eating me up inside that I have to wait two weeks to confront him but I rather so he can't hang up on me or fight in person. I seriously don't know how to bring it up should I ask him to call the women in front of me

Dear XXXXX,

You have a choice on how to handle this.

I want you to keep in mind that you are concerned about his reactions. You are afraid of how he will react.

Remeber that you gave him a gift.

He lied about picking it up.

He promised not to call two women, possibly old (or current) girlfriends.

He has called them anyhow after he said he would not.

He lied to you.

He called them

On the phone you gave him

That he lied about picking up

You expect a fight over this.

You are acting as if you are doing the bad thing about confronting his lies.

He will deny it or hang up or be abusive.

He is your fiance.

That means you are engaged to be married

You are already promised and he is promised

To each other

If you do not confront him now, successfully, he will always abuse you and break your trust.

You have a right to demand honesty and fidelity from him. If you don't demand it now, and if he won't give it to you now, how will your marriage be?

I shall keep you in my prayers that God gives you the strength and courage to stand firmly for what is right and not become trapped in a faithless and dishonest relationship.

Being close or far, you must operate with the truth and honesty between you.

Warm regards,

Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I would rather confront him in person and get to the bottom of it and have him call the girls infront of me and see what they say... bad idea?


I know there will be a fight and knowing how he is he would just hang up on my face so being in person is just easier for me. Also I really need advice on how to actually approach him and should I have him call the girls infront of me

Dear XXXXX,

You know hims best. You are dealing with a man who will lie to you or cal a false number.

You could call one of the women in front of him on your phone with the number programmed in and ready to dial. Introduct yourself as so and so's fiance' before he knows who you are calling, and say that your fiance' wants to talk to her.

If they are not there, then you don't have to say anything and he won't know you called.

You can then try the other girl.

You must catch him off guard.

He must be quite a guy for you to put up with this.

By his reaction you will will learn a lot.

He will not call the girls in front of you or will misdial the numbers.

He has already lied to you. Will you allow him to do it again?

I hope you can make this work.

 

I hope this is helping you. You never said. Please let me know, particularly with positive feedback.



Warm regards,

Elliott.

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

wont I seem "crazy" or psycho" if I call the girls and ask them why they are communicating with my Fiance? or If I call them infront of him?


I've never checked his cell phone or msges I just got suspicious when he's had his cell phone at sprint for few days now with his friend I never heard of.

Dear XXXXX,

If you want to take the cautious approach then do more research. Check the messages or texts.

It does seem that he is taking advantage of and you have every reason to be suspicious of his behavior and attitude. If he is telling the truth about him not picking up the phone then you are justified to call these numbers to see who has been stealing phone services or identity, all the while assuming that it has nothing to do with him.

Either this has been a big mixup, or he is having some kind of friendships or contacts with these women. From what you have said, you have good reasons to be concerned.

He wants to protect his relationship with you because you help to support him. Of course you don't want him to be a kept man that needs to behave himself or be very careful when he doesn't, so take great care in keeping track of him.

If you could afford it, you could hire a private investigator to investigate more closely if you want to get to the bottom of this.

If you can't, then contront him about this. Check on the whereabouts of the phone first so that you can have your facts straight.

You must get to the truth if you want your relationship to continue with nagging suspicions about his fidelity.

I wish you positive outcomes.

Warm regards,

Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I don't support him at all , I don't understand what you mean by taking advantage I dont give him money or help him in any way our finances are separate.

Dear Lauara,

I am terribly sorry if I mispoke or did not explain myself clearly.

I meant support him with his phone and phone account since I assumed you were paying for it. I alse meant that you were supporting him with your honesty and trust.

It seems that he might be taking advantage of you by not telling you the truth about the phone and about calling other women.

Long distance relationships are always difficult.

Warm regards,

Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thank you for your insight, I just set up his sprint account online awhile ago and he's never really changed his password, I just have access to his account .


 


Thank you again and Happy Holidays!

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