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I was just looking for some advice, from a different perspective

than my own, about an...
I was just looking for some advice, from a different perspective than my own, about an occurring situation with my boyfriend. Our one year dating anniversary is coming up December 7, this Saturday. And currently we are maintaining a long distance relationship. We are about 3hrs 45min driving distance apart, and we have been sustaining it for about four months now. We spent our senior year of high school together, and the entire summer together, and it was great! The moving and distance part was rocky at first, but we see each other about twice a month, and we realized it wasn’t as bad as we thought. But that’s not the problem. I have college finals next week, so I have been (and will continue to study). My boyfriend said wanted to come see me this weekend, but I told him about finals, and he completely understood. So we made plans to see each other for NEXT weekend. But he casually said on the phone today that he’s going to see and hang out with a girl in Miami this weekend. She is an old friend he used to know from their junior year of high school. I don’t want to be that “crazy over-protective freaky girlfriend”, but I’m honestly really jealous. He’s going to hang out with another girl I have never met, (I have seen pictures of her though, and she is absolutely gorgeous, she used to be a model) they’re going to hang out in Miami, and it’s on the weekend of our one year. I guess I don’t think he would do anything, and it probably shouldn’t be a big deal, but this whole situation just doesn’t make me feel good. It’s almost like he’s taking a different girl out on a date for the day. On a weekend that one year ago was so special to the two of us. I guess I’m just afraid he’s going to have a much better time with her than he could ever have with me. He doesn’t take me into a city like Miami for lunch and whatever else they’re going to do. They have no parents around and the whole weekend to themselves. They’ve been talking all day and they’re both “so excited” to see each other. My heart just aches because I would never in a million years do something like this to him. I’m scared and I’m angry, I just want to tell him “have fun on your date this weekend”. Am I being way too over-emotional and ridiculous? Or does some of this make sense? And how should I handle it?
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
12/6/2013
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,570
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

I can understand how you feel....lets discuss if he has ever given you a reason at any point for you to doubt him or his loyalty to your relationship?

Coach Jen K. :

If he hasnt given you any reason for worry in the past then I want you to rely on that and lend some trust. yes it is hard for you and you can even share your feelings with him...not in the over protective way but in a playful way just stating that you feel a bit worried and ask for reassurance that you have nothing to worry about.

Coach Jen K. :

if you werent in finals now then you would be spending this weekend together.

Customer:

Hey Ms. K. thanks for your reply, you're right, he's never really given me a reason not to trust him, but he has done a couple of things that I didnt really like. and he would tell me after the case.

Customer:

If i wasnt in the midst of finals, we were going to go out to a nice dinner together, and spend the weekend together

Coach Jen K. :

I truly get how this can help you to feel shaky and if he has done things and tells you later it sounds as if he is also worried about how you would react so at least he is telling you in advance here.

Coach Jen K. :

yes so it is important to remember that you would be with him this weekend.

Coach Jen K. :

If at all possible let him go and have trust in your relationship and if he behaves poorly then you will know but lets not accuse him for something that he hasnt done

Customer:

True, I like that, i guess its just the fact that im 4 hours away and i have no idea what he's doing that scares me

Coach Jen K. :

you can be playful with him and let him know how you are feeling shaky

Coach Jen K. :

yes that makes it hard. trust...in yourself and him and your connection....that is all you can do

Customer:

Okay, you're right, and i hinted at it a little bit, he just said you have nothing to worry about.

Coach Jen K. :

even if we act all crazy and jealous that doesnt prevent him from doing something if he is so inclined....

Coach Jen K. :

I am glad he reassured you ....hear his words and have faith in your connection

Coach Jen K. :

he might even feel closer to you that you "allowed" him to go and have a good time with an old friend.

Coach Jen K. :

without getting crazy and making it hard

Customer:

Thats true, I am still having a hard time talking to him on the phone because I feel shaky like you said, but maybe he will, i didnt even think about it like that, i hope so

Customer:

What if he wants to see this girl again?

Coach Jen K. :

I hope so too and again I always look at history as a predictor and it doesnt seem like there is much to fear. sure he has done things you dont like but welcome to life...that will be the case with anyone for the rest of your life. :-)

Customer:

I mean if everything goes smoothly, i wolnt have any problem, its just the jealousy factor and whenever he's out and about during the day he never really gives me detail in his phone call later about what he did

Coach Jen K. :

men are more quiet and we like to emote about it all...just keep the faith. none of us never know the future but eventually it all becomes knowable. so if he were to do something you will know at some point. I dont think that will happen but it means that right now all is fine so lets stick with that

Customer:

okay

Coach Jen K. :

that doesnt mean you wont feel nervous but try to keep it in check

Coach Jen K. :

can you do that and still give your studies the right time?

Customer:

Yea, you're right, and haha yea that's what im hoping to do, i didnt want anything to interfere with me making good grades, but i'll brush it off, and give him the trust he deserves, and focus on finals and the weekend after next

Coach Jen K. :

Thats my girl!!! and I am here if you need a reminder or someone to listen.

Customer:

Thanks! I didn't really have anyone else to talk to about this, you've been a help

Coach Jen K. :

I am so glad. you can always request me again if you need more support. Study hard and do well. please take a moment to offer a rating of my work.

Customer:

I will! Thank you so much!

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,570
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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Satisfied Customers: 3,570
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