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Ms Chase 4years ago i caught my husband in an sexting emtional…

Ms Chase 4years ago i caught...
Ms Chase
4years ago i caught my husband in an sexting emtional afair..he had actually been masturbating so much that his penis got a funky curve in it..we have been to counseling for the afair.. And at that time he told me he had quit masterbating..and was only interested in me.. Since then he has told me several times when i have caught him how sorry he is..and each time how much he loves me..(i have never turned him down ..With each conflict my respect and love has dewindel and now to the point that im just not interested in having sex with him so i dont inisiate it because i feel like im second string. But last night i caught him masturbating in the bath room with me in bed not 30 feet from him..he said he didnt want to wake me up.. (Its never stopped him before ) And this was after we had had sex 2days in a row..When confronted all i got again was im sorry i know this really hurts you.. At one point in our 30 years of mariage he even said since our boys were older he felt it wasnt appropriate to have sex when thier room was above ours! Need some advise please..
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Answered in 15 minutes by:
12/4/2013
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,821
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

The expert that you requested appears to be unavailable so I am stepping in to offer you support.

Coach Jen K. :

I hear all that you say and what struck me the most is you feeling like second string.

Coach Jen K. :

I don't believe this is the case at all...in fact I don't believe his issues have anything to do with you or what you do or how often you make yourself available to him sexually.

Coach Jen K. :

It sounds to me that he may have a sexual addiction

Coach Jen K. :

and a compulsion to masturbate and that is why he is unable to prevent it from happening.

Coach Jen K. :

I know it is hard not to personalize it but it sounds like he is struggling and wishes things could be different for himself and by extension you.

Coach Jen K. :

hi and welcome

Coach Jen K. :

I see you are here with me now

Customer: Hi
Coach Jen K. :

Here is a great site that you can look at when you have time and see if any of this rings true. http://masturbationaddiction.net/

Coach Jen K. :

does any of what I say feel accurate?

Customer: Some i feel like i just want to be done, im very frustraed
Coach Jen K. :

I can totally understand that feeling and unless he gets help for his addiction it sounds like you are heading there.

Coach Jen K. :

It is very hard to deal with and I feel for you.

Coach Jen K. :

do you want to hang in with him and offer him treatment or do you feel like enough is enough and you are done

Customer: So how do i approach this
Coach Jen K. :

in a quiet moment and without anger I would let him know how you care for him but how his masturbating has been affecting your relationship for many years.

Coach Jen K. :

And ask him directly to get treatment for it.

Coach Jen K. :

If he refuses then you are left with a choice...continue with how things are or move on

Customer: It took alot to get him to go to counseling for the afair.. And quite frankly one of the rasons we are still togther is beacuse at the same time i found out about the afair our first granchild was being born with a very serious heath condition.. He dud not go to couseling until after the death of iur grandson.. 17 months in
Coach Jen K. :

I am so sorry about your grandson....prayers for you.

Coach Jen K. :

Well once again you are left in a spot to give him the choice and he can either do it or not

Customer: Thank you.. I will check out the web site ...and i will aproach him they way yiu sugest and see what happens.. Thank you
Coach Jen K. :

I dont believe he can stop on his own....this is a compulsion

Coach Jen K. :

It is my pleasure. please come back to me anytime by requesting me. I am here to support you.

Coach Jen K. :

please take a moment to offer a rating of my work.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,821
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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