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My boyfriend of 6 months and I have had our first vacation

planned for a while (Jamaica...in...
My boyfriend of 6 months and I have had our first vacation planned for a while (Jamaica...in 2 weeks!). His dad was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and the surgery date for prostate removal will be during our vacation. The trip is for 4 nights/5 days. He told me a couple days ago that he might not be able to go because he wants to be there for his dad. He is going through a tough time and i feel terrible. The trip is nonrefundable and I requested the time off from work months ago. He hasn't responded to me today asking if he knows whether or not he is going.... What should I do? If he stays home, do I go alone? or do I try to beg a friend to book a flight now to join me? I just wish he would give me an answer!
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
12/4/2013
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

Customer:

Thank you...it's just coming down to bad timing, and nobody has any good advice!

Customer:

I don't want to be a burden for him right now.... But I wish he would help me figure this out

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is a very sad and frustrating situation for sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How you cope with a situation like this depends mostly on your core values and priorities, and how you'd prefer to support and be supported by your partner.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your relationship is still young and this situation is challenging but also a chance for you to be supportive. Waht you feel is or should be your priority now, and how would you like him to support you in case you were in his shoes?

Customer:

I understand. I just wish he would communicate better. I would be fine with staying home too, but I don't think he will necessarily want me around during those days..

Customer:

He is a firefighter and lives about an hour away, and lately he's been overworking and we haven't seen each other much

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The options you listed are to go alone or to find a friend to go with you,and these are based on what you also think he would prefer you to do?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you mean by not having been able to communicate better? Haven't you been able to talk about how you want to handle this situation?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What limits your need to talk bout it in order to decide together what to do?

Customer:

He mentioned asking a friend, but it's in 2 weeks, and it's unrealistic from a work standpoint. I want to be there for him...but he keeps pulling away when I try to talk about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you directly told him what you would prefer?

Customer:

Unfortunately we are having a texting situation....not the best communication, I know

Customer:

But I've sent my feelings a couple times today, with no response

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Well, in you have already asked him to tell you what he would prefer but he has not replied yet, and there is no way for you to go there or call him, then you would have to wait for that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In situations like this the best approach should be based n both of you setting your priorities and being as supportive as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is tough and painful, very sad and frustrating but also a good chance to work on your relationship, since it challenges it for you to see how well you are working on it, from communication, to mutual understanding, empathy and support.

Customer:

Thank you. I hope I hear from him soon. The not knowing is what's killing me!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, but the trip is in two weeks, right?

Customer:

Yeah :( It's for my birthday.... and nonrefundable...anddd I have to use my earned time from work now because I took the time off

Customer:

But I don't really have a right to be that upset, because I know he is going through more

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then the worst scenario would be for you not to have the chance to enjoy this trip alone or with another person, but the most important thing should be abut you being supportive, don't you think so?

Customer:

Yes, absolutely.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

:o( I am sorry then it is a very special date for you

Customer:

Ugh, someday haha

Customer:

Thank you for putting things in perspective

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right. It is tough.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please be patient and compassionate, patient and supportive towards him and with yourself, since both need and deserve to be this way to effectively cope and grow from this painful situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust.

Customer:

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I hope you have a good night!

RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
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RealSupport
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
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Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

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