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I started to know a boy for almost one month already.Well,first…

I started to know a...
I started to know a boy for almost one month already.Well,first week we had one night stand and I worried that he's gonna lose interest on me.I once had wanted to give up the development of any relationship with him. But after one day,we started to meet up such like dating.He was texting me all the time and tried to make some time to ask me out.Until last week,suddenly he stopped doing like this anymore.We text not like often as before sometimes the conversation could be very long but only for a period of time.Last weekend we hung out together as before and spent the time like a couple.For example, kissing for a long time in public.But when I saw him in school,we became like friends again. Sometimes I thought he forgot to contact with me last week. But I saw his phone by accident that he is also texting with other girls and he started to stop texting me for 24 hours and perhaps he met other girls maybe friends during that 4 days last week. Last weekend, I told him that I am not able to go to the hotel with him any more, last time was an accident cause we were both drunk. He never described his feelings about me, and I have not mentioned that I like him.But I told him that I can't play with boys,cause I am the one easy to get hurt. I don't know what he is thinking. I think he as well I really enjoy the time we spent together. But I got confused from his behaviors. My friend told me that he is not taking serious with me and I can also feel that. I want to know what is he doing and only watches me..but I never text him to ask,normally he texts me first. I let myself calm down, I see there are many things to be busy and he also will go travelling during the winter break. Now he texts me no longer put so much emotions. He even used an emoticon to end the conversation. But I want to develop us to be in a real relationship. Can you tell me what kind of ideas he has and why he suddenly behaviors differently? What shall I do to make him care about me like before or more?
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
12/3/2013
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,021
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, I'd like to help you with you questions.

It sounds like this boy likes you, but may not be sure what he wants right now. If he is young, he may be dating other women to see what he does like before he settles down. Your friend is right, he is not taking your emotions, or probably anyone else's, very seriously right now. Men who are young tend to focus on their own needs when it comes to relationships.

While there is no way to know exactly what he is thinking and why he is doing this (unless he would tell us), it seems clear that he is not ready to make a commitment. You did a good thing when you told him that you do not want to get hurt and that you could not go to a hotel with him anymore. That can help him to see his behavior is harmful and that if he is interested in a serious relationship, he needs to consider your feelings.

If you like this boy, you can try to continue to stay in contact with him to see if he changes his ways and is willing to commit to you and only you. Be friendly but also continue to protect yourself by not going to a hotel with him or giving him more than he gives you. That way, you do not get hurt and you also force him to show his feelings and treat you better if he is serious about a relationship with you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Relist: Answer quality.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
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Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I will be direct as possible here. I know you like him but he is not looking for anything else other than sex or hanging out when it suits him. Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn't, it is hard to know, but what we do know is that he likes you when it is convenient for him.

I know you desire a relationship with him and you are asking how to do that, but I do not see that happening with this guy. He is out there playing the field and enjoying himself. If that is okay for you then stick with it, but do not have any ideas that things will change or that suddenly he will want a relationship with you...that is very unlikely.

There is no magical thing that you can say to him or how to act to get him to be different. Enjoy the time with him if you so desire and only if it works for you. But, from what I hear, you are in pain as you want more. So, I would protect yourself a bit and try to move from this type of relationship with him.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
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