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Hi. Share with me a little more what's going on that's troubling, okay?
For the past 5 months, this guy and I have been working together on a work project (we work for different companies). I thought we had this connection, spent alot of time talking about work and non-work topics. We know alot about each other's families, careers, etc. I feel like we confided with each other. The last time we met, I kind of joked that 'our timing was bad,' (since we are both in a relationship), and he agreed, saying he wishes we met in our 20s (we are now in our 30s). Two days later, we were talking on the phone, and all of a sudden, he blurts out "Our last conversation was awkward, i have a girlfriend, you know that, right?" I honestly did not know (and quite frankly, we had this conversation in a bar after a few drinks). He said he wanted to be friends w/me, how he respected my work, etc. So I feel sad and a little confused. Oh, and we still talk almost every day, and we are continuing this work project, expanding it. Sigh.
I see. That is difficult, for sure.
What would you like the relationship to be like between you and him?
I wish it was more than friends, but given his abrupt reaction, I need to face reality, I suppose.
But he also wants to be friends with you, isn't that what he indicated?
You seem like a very nice person as well as a competent person.
And he seems to realize this and value it.
That's what I got from what he said.
It seems there was an awkward moment,
but it was just a moment.
I would hate to see the friendship end because of an awkward moment, wouldn't that be true?
Yes. I enjoy talking to him, and he has helped me a great deal, personally and professionally.
I truly think that if you make one lighthearted comment about the "awkward moment", it will just quickly fade away.
You also have a boyfriend, right?
So, how about just saying, "Oh, that was awkward, you're right. I'm glad it was just a brief moment. I also have a boyfriend. I respect your work as well and am glad to have you as a friend."
What do you think?
Well...I was pretty honest w/him. After he told me it was awkward, I told him I just wanted to be honest with him. And whatever his reaction was, it is what it is. And I did apologize for making him feel awkward, and he promptly told me to stop apologizing, that it was not needed. He said he respected my honestly.
He's telling you he didn't mean for the awkwardness to derail the friendship.
So forget having to write what I suggested.
Just put the moment behind you.
That's what he is saying, and be glad. Because it really is behind him and you don't need to keep it alive, okay?
Makes sense. Even though a few of my work friends commented to me in the past that they thought he did like me, I heard it directly from him-he has no interest.
So, take him at his word. You've had direct experience
because you've worked with him on the project.
And you've judged him to be an honest person.
So why question yourself on this?
I really do believe that when a person who is competent, as you are,
makes a judgment on a person,
that person should be judged favorably until he shows something weird.
And he's said in very believable and nice ways that he wants to be a friend.
So why not trust your own observations?
You're so welcome. I really meant it. You seem like a very nice person as does he.
And I wish you the very best!
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