Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about your loss.
It seems you have been doing our best to show this person how much you care about him, but feel insecure about his own feelings towards you, right?
When a person truly cares about you, he reciprocates your attention, caring, understanding, affection and support, this way it becomes a truly equal, healthy and fulfilling relationship.
This is correct. When we are together I can tell that he really cares about me, but he has never told me how he feels about me so I really am not sure. I am not sure what to do next. We were both married for almost 40 years , and then we both lost our spouses.
Then one of the core things you need and expect from him is too be more open and honest about what he feels towards you
Sometimes I just wonder if he isn't because of the loss of his wife?
You would need to talk to him in a gentle, clear and objective way about what you feel, need and expect from him
Such event could be traumatic as you may know from personal experience, but it should not justify avoiding talking about your own feelings and relationship since you have chosen to work on it.
He does not like confrontation alot, so I feel kind of backward sometimes about what to say. It is so different being in a new relationship.
I can see that. But life and relationships require open and honest dialogue and assertive confrontation when something unhealthy or destructive arises, otherwise we would promote codependent relationships where we would enable what is neglectful, abusive or dysfunctional, feel frustrated and unfulfilled. Open dialogue is fundamental for good intimacy and healthy love.
He is showing through actions he cares about you, that's why working on promoting more open communication and intimacy could help you give a good step forward I think.
I understand that fully. He does show me through actions and words that he does care. At least I think he does. He is just not real affectionate and I am not sure if he has always been that way or just because it is a new relationship. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say as in being flirty, things like that. I am 57 and he is 65.
Then you need to work on developing a more open communication in order to deepen your emotional intimacy and mutual trust
This way you would be able to understand each other better, to know your core needs and expectations, thus how to fulfill them being caring and more supportive, while fully respecting your personalities and personal differences.
Thank you. I will work on that! :)
It is obvious you long for more objective and direct signs of affection and romance, this is why you need to work on getting closer at these levels,to work on it.
Good! You are very welcome.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action :o)