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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very sad and frustrating situation
It is unfortunate to know how your relationship was this undermined by the lack of understanding and support from your fathers.
You're very welcome
Unhappily you had serious issues already not allowing yo to effectively cope with such challenges, and the constant fights leading to physical violence could not have helped for sure.
My father never had any problem in the beginning but now he feels that if I marry her, her family might not give me my due respect
And I take the blame for those mishaps as I am 8 years older than her and could have handled the situations better
I do agree with you that now respecting her boundaries, giving her space and time to reflect would be the best approach. It would not guaranty anything about reconciliation, but it will ensure you play a good role promoting your chances, then everything else would depend on her
Right. Happily you recognize that and take full responsibility, learning from your experience and showing through consistent actions that you are not only about good intentions but able and willing to respect her, hoping you could have another chance.
The only problem is that I would rather just move on if I don't stand a chance because it is hurting to see her act so normal I am afraid that if I do not something definitive soon, then it'll take me a long time to get over her
Especially because we belong to same community and we do a lot of same activities
The last time she texted me that she loves me was friday, and in on saturday she told me that she is enjoying her freedom, and she is all smiles about it. I am sure that friends' advice is not helping either
Any decision you make must be based n what you truly feel you can and are willing to afford here, thus if you feel it woudl become overwhelming for you to wait for the period of time she may expect you to wait, or if she gives you no hope about a reconciliation in the near future, then I support your decision to face such reality and move on.
Just be absolutely truthful with yourself and honest with her. You have already showed her what you want and hope for, and if she does choose to keep her decision, then pushign her or yourself would not help for sure.
The only thing that is keeping me hopeful is the fact that she could just be really mad at me for delaying this process and I didn't step up to the plate to just marry her.
It could be, but it is also true that you were fighting a lot and pushing marriage when unable to even respect each other would not be a healthy step to take either.
And since I am showing more actions by trying to talk to her older brother (which she told her brother not to do) and going to see her. The only thing that is tearing me apart more than anything else is that we have loved each other a lot despite of all the bad fights, and this is coming from her not me, however, just in matter of 5 days, she is pretending to be just fine and happy.
You'd need to show yourselves / each other that you truly feel happy, comfortable and fulfilled by each other , and that can handle life issues and challenges as a real team, otherwise you would create a bigger conflicting situation, hurting both of you.
This is why you should focus on doing your best to promote "healthy love", and if she does match your efforts, then perfect, otherwise it would not work.
But how can I do that if she has blocked me on the phone, hasn't responded to e-mails and seems to simply just hate me? And she doesn't wanna hear from me other than e-mail.
Then fully respect her boundaries and only contact her via email messages, letting her know what you feel, want and expect, that you are willing to work on it, giving her the time she needs, but if she confirms that she is not willing to reconsider your decision, that you would have to move on.
Okay sounds good.
If she doesn't respond to my e-mail then I guess that's an answer in itself
Absolutely. That's correct.
I also feel that I have pushed her away even more because after I wrote her the letter and gave her flowers, she said "had I not insulted her via text, and given her space, who knows if she might have considered another shot"
but now she doesn't want me to try at all
Right. This is why you could confirm your apologies and let her know that you were serious about your intentions to gain back her love and that's what the flowers and the letter represent.
And what is it that I can practically do to confirm that?
Then you could wait for a week or ten days and send this other email message just confirming your sincere affection towards her.
By respecting her boundaries, not pushing her at all.
Sounds good! Thank you so much for all your help! Before I was torn between parents' love over my own love.
But I guess my happiness is my parents'
Once she sees that you are consistent respecting her boundaries, she will know that you are serious and honest about your words.
I support you and truly hope things work well for you.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust.
True, but the only unfortunate thing I did was I told her in an e-mail after my letter in person that I am okay with her decision
I have been going through mood swings, so I:
1. gave her letter asking for another chance
2. e-mailed her saying I respect her decision
That's why the email that you are going to send in one week to seven days you will let her know that what you really hope is to have a new chance in the future If she happens to share the same feelings.
3. Another e-mail what has been the reason for my not being able to give her full attention and another chance
4. Then I showed up to her work and tried to talk
5. Then same day I ran into her at an event where finally we talked
Now that I look at all of these things, I can see what is wrong with me :P
Then, please I do strongly suggest you to consider individual counseling or psychotherapy in order to work and taking good care of yourself and effectively coping with these mood changes and the challenges the situation presents.
I think I will. Thanks Rafael!
You're welcome. By for now.
(Please remember to rate the session before leaving. Thank you)
I just wanted to find out that if this e-mail is supposed to go now? "Then fully respect her boundaries and only contact her via email messages, letting her know what you feel, want and expect, that you are willing to work on it, giving her the time she needs, but if she confirms that she is not willing to reconsider your decision, that you would have to move on." And then a week later, I send her "other email message just confirming [my] sincere affection towards her."? Or should I just send one a-mail to her and that a week later?
Yes, only one email a week from today.
Ok thank you!