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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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I am in the early stages of a "break" from my marriage. I feel

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I am in the early stages of a "break" from my marriage. I feel like I am being tossed around a rocky boat with my emotions. I didn't want this separation, but could no longer live an emotionally distant husband (6 years of this). He has said over and over that he wants to see if he can get his need for freedom out of his system.
We have set a deadline of the week before Christmas as our timeline for his trial of freedom. We have also agreed to dates on Wednesday nights and family time on Sunday.
Right now, I feel that all of these things are just ways for him to delay the inevitable and he's just buying time until he asks for a permanent separation. How do I avoid all of these conflicting thoughts? I want to believe him, but my anxiety won't allow me to.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
I am sorry that you are going through this very painful situation. Your roller coaster of emotions is certainly understandable. It is his confusion that is causing your pain. He must be giving you mixed messages and so....you doubt what he says. He is searching for clarity by having physical distance (although you were already feeling distance even when you were together). So it is no wonder that you are feeling anxious. In other words, your feelings are normal because your relationship is in limbo. You are unsure which way it will go. Other than saying that he wants to get this out of his system...is he giving any other cues that his goal is re-unification?? If so, then keep those thoughts in your mind during this limbo. However, don't be in denial either. You also need to protect yourself from your reaction to the possibility that he will ask for permanent separation. Do this by building up the supports around you....family, old friends, new friends. Do something new....you know..that thing you've always wanted to do but have been putting off (a class?). This will distract you from the negative thoughts. Since individual therapy has been successful, keep going.

Again, I know this is easier said than done....but the deadline is probably a good thing so that you are not in limbo any longer.

Warm regards
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