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Hi. The system says you're offline, so I'll wait for you to type that you're in the chat and we'll start, okay?
Hi. When you say you've finally had enough, share with me what you mean, okay?
The system says you're in the chat but you haven't responded. Do you need more time?
I mean that I don't want to dream about him anymore.
It sounds silly but whenever I dream about him, its like I relapse
and I wake up feeling sad and a bit depressed and angry
it goes away but it happens every time I dream about him
How often are you dreaming about him?
I've been dreaming about him ever since we broke up
I dream about him maybe 3 times a week
I've been keeping busy. Applying to grad school, work, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, trying new things
So it's not like I am constantly thinking about him
But you're dreaming about him 3 times a week!
This is indeed frustrating.
It must be very disturbing.
At first I figured it was normal since it was recent, but it's annoying
It's annoying now
I can imagine.
There are two ways to deal with annoying thoughts.
And it seems that your dreaming about him is like having a thought
during waking hours:
you don't want to think about him, but you have the thought come into your head.
Here it's that you have a dream.
So there are 2 ways:
One is that you don't take the thought seriously: you "trash talk" to it.
The other way is that you go to counseling and try to work out why you are not letting yourself move on.
I was doing ok until one day he called me at 4 am drunk I believe and left a voicemail giving me "closure". After 7 mos. I got my closure when he cheated on me.
So, it sounds like you'd like to not take it seriously and just move on, is that right?
Let's get started, then:
give me a demonstration of what you would say to yourself to not take it seriously.
He's in love, I can't do anything about it. Move on. Stop thinking about it.
I prefer to be brutal honest with myself.
That's not being hones, that's being forlorn and a little envious, don't you think?
Let's see some not taking it seriously...
Yes, but its the truth. He left me because he fell in love and it happens all the time to people.
That's the truth about what happened. But not the truth about your thinking about it right now.
I have better things to think of.
Is that good?
That's trash talking to a thought you don't take seriously?
I'll make it through alright
I'll find love too
This doesn't sound like someone who's moved on and is annoyed at these dreams. Rather it sounds like someone who's very hurt, not confident.
Do you agree?
And if so, maybe it's time for counseling?
Yes. You're such a nice person and such a good person.
I am very hurt. And angry.
Every time we tried to get to a sense of being truly confident about the past and the future,
you showed hurt, worry, and lack of confidence. So counseling would be a big help, agreed?
Can I link a good directory for you that shows you a photo of each of the therapists in your area?
here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (they show you a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list CBT therapy in their orientations and depression and anxiety disorders as one of the areas they work with. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
If you want someone who isn't as structured as a pure CBT therapist, consider seeing if the therapist also lists humanistic and/or psychodynamic therapy in their orientation. The idea here isn't that these types of therapy are magic. It's that you may want to find a therapist who will form a strong therapeutic alliance with you and will help you look at the sources of your emotions.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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