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Ask John-Michaels Your Own Question
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 625
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I ve been dating now over 6 months with this guy whos been

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I ve been dating now over 6 months with this guy who's been wonderful and patient with me from the very beginning;who's stood by me threw thick and thin and I m the one who keeps screwing up.i need help.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though. Sounds like you are very frustrated with yourself. I hope I can be an encouragement to you. Could you please give me more details so I can get a better grasp as to what is going on before I respond?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My boyfriend is the one who shows affection like hugging ,kissing ,holding me and I have a hard time doing anything ,especially in the bedroom.One night he asked me if I cared about him or sex at all cause I don't act like do.Im so afraid if I do anything I will disappoint him.

I am really not sure your question can be answered without delving a but into your past. What is you history of intimacy? Have you ever been hurt? Have you ever enjoyed intimacy? What do you feel is the problem?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes I ve been hurt from my ex boyfriend who cheated on me the whole time we were together.In the last 5 years we were together I did not want any sex with this man.Yes I love sex,but not with my ex.My new boyfriend is the opposite,who also hurt before by his ex wife and his ex girlfriends.

I might point out that I am not a sex therapist, but nonetheless your problems with intimacy seem to be related to your past pain. I believe you need to work through you past pain before you can move forward with your current relationship. As difficult as it may sound, you need to forgive your ex-boyfriend and let the resentment go. This is not for his benefit but for your own. Your resentment is not hurting him at all. I figure he has moved on and is likely using others now. Yet your resentment is haunting your current relationship. The first thing you need to do in letting go of the past is acknowledge the pain it has caused you. You were betrayed and it hurts. It is ok to feel the pain. You need to experience it to let it go. Second of all, you need to quit blaming yourself. He is the one who hurt you. Quit beating yourself over it. Thirdly, address the issue. I am not saying you should directly confront him, but find a way to get it off your chest. Write a letter that he will never see. Talk to a friend. But make sure you express your pain to someone somehow. Lastly let it go. You are hurting yourself and your current relationship to no avail. Quit destroying your current relationship over something that is behind you. I'm not sure this is what you were looking for but from my perspective seems to be what you need. Let me know if you have any questions. I want to be a help!
John-Michaels and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC