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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My husband does not like my best friend. We are considering

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My husband does not like my best friend. We are considering moving to a new state and after discussion he told me that she can come visit during the day but is not "allowed" to stay the night. This bothers me deeply. I feel that he should not put these demands on me and its causing me to not want to continue our marriage (other issues involved too). I have expressed to him my feelings and he says I should not argue over this and just be happy he is allowing her to come to the house. What should I do?

Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
Dear XXXXX : You both have a lot to think about deciding if you are going to move to a new state, but he is already putting rules before you even begin.
Dear XXXXX : It is very hard to say to your friend you can come visit but you can not stay.
Dear XXXXX : But I feel that some times people might say things, but not follow through. Lets say your friend comes to visit and you then say she is staying the night he might just say ok.
Dear XXXXX : I feel he is just making there's rules now do that your friend doesn't feel she can always come to stay.
Dear XXXXX : There could be many reason why your husband is acting this way. He might like his privacy and does not want people staying over. He might not want to share you and take time away from you both, he might be worried that people might over stay their welcome.
Dear XXXXX : But I do feel his rules will change and that is why he is saying don't argue about it.
Dear XXXXX : Because I feel he is just placing rules he is not going to follow through on.
Dear XXXXX : That is your friend and you have a right to have her over and to stay over.
Dear XXXXX : Its your home to and he is trying to control the situation.
Dear XXXXX : I don't want you to argue because I feel he just will tell you the same answer. What you want to do us explain how uncomfortable that would be to tell your friend she can not stay. Tell him that is your best friend.
Dear XXXXX : Explain that it is not right to set these rules on someone.
Dear XXXXX : He needs to understand your side of the story. What if he wanted someone to come visit and you said they can not stay how would he feel or are the rules different for him.
Dear XXXXX : Right now he is just trying to control the situation but I feel you need to say that when the time comes and she wants to visit I will ask her if she wants to stay if she doesn't want to that is fine but I am going to offer because that is the right thing to do.
Dear XXXXX : You do not want to let this effect your marriage you just want to tell him this is how things are going to be. The more control he has the more he will begin to set rules. You want to tell him now that this is not happening and she is welcomed to stay.
Dear XXXXX : Tell him that it's something he should be considerate about and understand how you feel. That is your friend.
Dear XXXXX : He needs to see that is someone you care about and you could never tell her to stay somewhere else when she is coming to visit.
Dear XXXXX : If things do not change you just tell her she can stay. I do not feel he will throw her out also you could tell him to tell her because you are not. He might change his mind then.
Dear XXXXX : Becayse he will not want to hurt her feelings.
Dear XXXXX : I would discuss it one more time and then let it go and do what you feel is right.
Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
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