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my husband is in a home for alzheimers sufferers and is having

my husband is in a...
my husband is in a home for alzheimer's sufferers and is having a relationship with another patient. Is there anything I can do?
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
11/7/2013
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Verified

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

This is so hurtful, I'm so sorry. It is so hurtful in so many ways:

Dr. Mark :

it's just humiliating as well as everything else.

Dr. Mark :

What's amazing as well is that I was just at a training seminar about Alzheimer's treatment

Dr. Mark :

and this subject actually was discussed in depth. For the first time, the health profession is willing to address this.

Dr. Mark :

So, you are not facing an unusual situation, there are others facing the same situation.

Customer:

Is it advisable to remove my husband from this facility, or will it be preferable to wait and see how the situation develops. At the moment it is at the kisses, fondling and cuddling and holding hands stage , but I would draw the line at any further attempts to have sex. Can you advise.

Dr. Mark :

This is a very important point you raise:

Dr. Mark :

And the way you have to judge it is based on the facility.

Dr. Mark :

The most desirable process is to ask for a case conference with the doctors, attending nurses, therapists, etc. at the facility to discuss your husband's situation.

Dr. Mark :

Discuss with them that this is an unacceptable situation for you.

Dr. Mark :

You have the right to both feel that way and to say it to them.

Dr. Mark :

Ask them if they have any procedures they could put in place to address this issue in a way that would resolve it?

Dr. Mark :

This means, by resolving it, that your husband would no longer come into contact with this woman.

Dr. Mark :

That might mean moving her to a different floor, etc.

Dr. Mark :

As far as telling him, that's almost always the easiest part: she moved out.

Dr. Mark :

It's the staff you need to have on your side here.

Dr. Mark :

Is this possible, do you think?

Customer:

I agree with you that i have the right to feel this is unacceptable. They must be prepared to monitor the situation as that is why he is there in the first place, to be monitored 24 hours per day. This woman seems to be in a far better cognitve state than he and she seems to know what she is doing, unlike my husband who has now commented that "we have an open marriage! and that it is not a big deal!"

Dr. Mark :

Good, I'm glad that you agree that this is not acceptable and you don't have to feel it is.

Dr. Mark :

I am afraid that putting your reliance on monitoring is not a good strategy, though.

Dr. Mark :

No facility can monitor in that way.

Dr. Mark :

Especially if she's the initiator and instigator and she's more alert than he is.

Dr. Mark :

Monitoring is not what you are looking for. Separation is. Agreed?

Customer:

Separation is the answer, agreed! Thank you Doctor

Dr. Mark :

You are so welcome.

Dr. Mark :

Okay, I wish you the very best!


 


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Dr. Mark :

Hi. The system says you've stepped out of the chat. Would you like to continue? If not, could I ask you to give a rating before you leave? Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
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