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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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My husband became aggressive & physical after finding out my

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My husband became aggressive & physical after finding out my ex messaged me for my birthday I deleted the message and now he thinks I was up to no good. Will he do this again even tho he says he won't and was reaction to my actions even tho he has a past of violence

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

The system says you're offline, so please type in a hello when you come into the chat so we can get started, okay?

Dr. Mark :

You haven't come online yet, but I'll try to keep the chat open for longer, okay?

Customer: Hello
Dr. Mark :

Hi. I was just typing an answer for you since you were offline. Shall I paste it in here and you can read it?

Customer: Yeh sure if that's ok
Dr. Mark :

Okay. And we can continue if you have more questions afterwards, okay?

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue. Because you didn't reply in the chat, the system reverted to the question/answer format so I'll answer you here, okay?

First, let me say I can imagine how distressing and even scary this situation must be for you. I am so glad that you are talking about counseling for him.

This is very important. Because I wish I could tell you that this will not happen again. But I'm afraid that the research is rather conclusive that this is not the case. When a man has a history of anger and acting out with violence, this is what is the classic abusive relationship. That the anger erupts again is what you're now experiencing. And this is why there are women's support groups, shelters, and legal organizations: because anger and abusive behavior is not a one time occurrence. That's unfortunate but it's what we've learned over the decades now is the reality.


The hardest part is that it's not a constant thing. Abusive husbands erupt with anger every so often, then there's a period of calm where they are very reassuring that it won't happen again. Let me link for you a picture of what is called the Cycle of Abuse. I want you to look at it and to print it out and talk about it with your husband so he can make an appointment with a therapist to discuss the cycle and the escalation of abuse you are experiencing.

This is the most important step you can take in helping yourself and for him to help himself.

Okay, I wish you the very best!


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