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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My boyfriends single male cousin is attracted to me. He is

Customer Question

My boyfriend's single male cousin is attracted to me. He is jealous of me because 1) he is physically attracted to me but I am in a relationship with his cousin and 2) he wants his cousin to spend more time with him doing single activities i.e both of them going to America for three weeks and mingling with single women. His cousin rarely talks to me and never invites me out with my boyfriend and generally doesn't make the effort. I always have to ask to come along if it is a group activity that other couples are invited to. I feel as though he is trying to distance my boyfriend and I from one another deliberately.
I am not attracted to my boyfriend's cousin. I love my boyfriend. What can I do to maintain a healthy relationship? I feel trapped.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this situation.

The cousin does indeed seem to be trying to put a wedge between you and your boyfriend and you clearly won't have it.

I suggest that you have a long talk with your boyfriend, in person, at a time when the atmosphere is cozy and you have plenty of time.

Tell him your thoughts about your cousin's desire of you and give him concrete examples.

Tell him that you strongly feel that his cousin is trying to put a wedge between you and him and tell him that it is frustrating and hurtful, and that you believe he is trying to purposely cause a break-up between you and him by encouraging him to go out partying or go to America to look for women.

Tell his that you believe his cousin is not doing this because he likes him but because he wants to take you away from your boyfriend.

In any case, this is not going to happen. If your boyfriend cares for you he will stick with you. If he doesn not, then my might lose him but you won't go with the cousin for anything.

Just speak the truth and it will make things better. Don't give opinion or get angry or upset, but just state the facts and let your boyfriend make his own conclusions.

I believe that this will help.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I do not find this answer applicable to this particular situation at this time. Thank you for your assistance.