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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5822
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I am having problem with my ex boyfriend - Pakistani 46 yrs

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I am having problem with my ex boyfriend - Pakistani 46 yrs old. I am 49yrs old.
We met in March and broke up in the begginig of Augst as he wanted to find younger woman to have a chiled. Also, he is a mulsim and I am not.
We haven't seen each other for two month until he showed up at the dacing place where I go with group of people sometimes. It was on Sat 10/19. We danced for a couple of songs and talk very little. I am dating a man currently.
I started receiving insulting/degrading text messages from him since 10/25 (Fri). On
10/26 (Sat) he called me 40 times. I did not pick up the phone calls and did not respond his text messages and emails at all.
He is saying in his text and emails - " you are always in men's arms. I hope you didn't give me std. Goodbye and good luck with black men whom you let grab your ass on the dance floor. I gave you every opportunity to be with me. Cheaters and liars like you are going to suffer more for being that way with me. I promise you that.
Pick up the phone. Please pick up the phone. Can I come over?... etc"
This weekend 11/2 (Sat), He started texting me at 5pm until 1:36am plus 15 calls.
At 1:30 am, I heard someone is knocking the front door. It was him. I didn't ope the door but got scared. He sent me text "Open the door"
This morning 11/4, I found one missed call from him.
I haven't reply any of his text and email and phone calls as I thought it's better and my friend said same thing. However, I feel not comfortible to go home anymore probabaly he is waiting for me at my aparmtnet.
I believe he is not a bad person he is very lonely (divorced 5 yrs ago and his wife took full custody of their daughter and living in another states) so I really want to avoid taking
legal action such as report to Police Department. I just want him stop contacting me in any way and move on.

- To stop and let him know that I don't want him contact me any more in any way, I am
thinking to write an email as i can keep it as an evidence.
Should I or not?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your ex boyfriend might have mental health and/or criminal behavior issues. He is not only saying inappropriate and very personal things to you, he is stalking you. This is dangerous behavior. While it is understandable that you do not want to involve the police, you might want to consider it. It is common for people who are stalkers to escalate in their behavior to the point they do become dangerous.

The best way to deal with your ex, besides contacting the police, is to ignore all attempts at contact from him. If you respond in any way, you could possibly trigger more intense stalking behavior from him. He will be encouraged by any response from you, even if it is worded in a way that helps you get evidence from him.

Even if you decide not to contact the police right away (it is highly recommended that you do however, just for your own safety), you should begin to record and collect any evidence that you can of his contacts with you. Keep a notebook or folder and include copies of any emails, letters or other correspondence he sends to you. Note any times he contacts you by phone or shows up in person. Include the time, date and generally what was said.

Also, if you do have contact and must interact, be very firm with him. Tell him to leave you alone and repeat it as much as you need to. Try not to go out alone if possible. Ask relatives to stay with you or go to their homes until this is resolved. Contact the police for any tips on how to protect yourself.

Remember, most of all, this is not your fault. There is something going on with your ex that makes him do what he is doing. You have done nothing wrong. Try to seek help. You should not have to handle this alone.

I hope this has helped you,

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I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

If I go police department and tell them the problem, what would they do? Does it affect his and my future?

The police typically take a report and ask you what you need. It may differ a bit in each case depending on the circumstances, but they usually make suggestions and take a report then let you know some possible next steps to take with the situation. It also helps them to know the situation so if it does escalate, they know what they are dealing with and can respond better to whatever happens.

Going to the police should not affect your future at all. You are a victim in this situation. And your ex's future is up to him. If he continues to choose to pursue this with you, he could have consequences. But again, that is his choice. The police might have more specific answers for you regarding any legal results.


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My best to you,