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Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.
This is a very, very difficult situation indeed!
I'm so sorry you're going through this; it must feel awful. It's hard to know what to do.
What's your leaning at this time?
What are you thinking the best thing to do is?
Well, I can't ignore it... I have tried, but it's there..every day, at home, at work... I can't really avoid it. I have been thinking of writing my friend a letter...I am just better with words when I can write things down... and try my best to explain how this is affecting other people. but I dunno if it will work...
In my experience, I haven't seen a letter from a third person working. That's because
I've found that if she is having sex with him,
part of the attraction for her is that there's like a "forbidden fruit" part to it
or else it's because she imagines herself taking him away from the other woman.
That type of desire and not caring about others' feelings
doesn't usually translate to caring about how you might feel in a letter. What do you think?
Probably... then what am I supposed to do...
I only said that to make sure you recognize that if you DO write a letter, it's not to get her to stop, okay?
I'm also assuming you can't change the living arrangements; you need to stay there and need to have a roommate.
So, I think you do need to write a letter, but the letter needs to be for yourself.
You will give it to her, but not with the hope that it will change her behavior.
But you want to let her know that you feel very badly for what's happening to this other woman. Because you've been hurt yourself.
And that it makes you feel uncomfortable to have her doing this in your home.
Then, you want a second goal in the letter:
if she is willing to talk with you about it, then you'd be happy to discuss why you think it's wrong, why it hurts the other woman so much, and why it's not fair.
What do you think?
but she's still gonna continue doing it though if she doesnt care how other people feel
Again, remember: I was very careful to have us both agree that a letter wouldn't get her to stop, because I stated I also don't think she is acting like she cares how others feel.
So, you're not trying to change her.
You're trying to not be silent.
Because while she's being so uncaring, you on the other hand, are a caring person.
You feel how wrong this is.
And my concern is that you not lose that goodness that you have.
Because you recognize that being around her is not great for your own values.
But you can't leave the living situation, so you have to stay.
Therefore, my concern here is for you to not be silent. And so the letter is for you to strengthen your own values, not to try to change her, okay?
Just okay? Or do you think this is the right thing to do?
It's the only thing I can do
Yes. In life we often don't have the ability to do the best thing, we have the ability only to do what we CAN do.
And this is what you can do. So feel good about yourself, okay?
Okay, I'll try
Good for you!
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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