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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming reality.
yea not sure what to do from here
Your story is very sad since it shows how your relationship developed very strongly and fast, and after 6 months of knowing each other you got married. I am sorry to know how you had to face this overwhelming loss of your child a year after that.
Could you please tell me about the evidence that you got about this long term affair of your wife?
yes thanks that makes it worse because i watched him go thru so much and the odds he overcame being born in 5 months 3 wks super premee
I can imagine as a parent what you went through, but only you know how it felt at that time and how painful it's been for you to the present, even more when facing the reality of your marriage deteriorating this much
It's obvious the grief from your initial loss has been multiplied by the grief you have from your marriage destruction because of your wife's choices and actions.
well after i found out i noticed pre planning of events seperation from me basically not their for me lying on the go making up things to get away not emotioal etc
I see, then you are sure this is, as you said, a concrete reality and not only assumptions and fears of you, once you said it has been going on for ll these so many months, enabled and protected by her family and other people around her, ans that she has even been pushing you about leaving any moment with your son, right?
im ready to go and get a counselor to prep for a divorce my insurance pays for almost anything with a small copay
yes she says that seeing him is no problem im just a man hurting i tried with what i was allowed
Having this certainty and having been suffering this much for all this long, taking into account that she does not even acknowledge anything about this whole serious abusive and neglectful situation, then I agree with you, that exposing yourself to further wounding, would not only hurt yourself even more, but also undermine your son's well-being, which is obviously your first priority, and you need to focus on everything possible you could do, with necessary professional support in order to protect and promote your relationship with him.
I can see that, it's obvious you really care a lot about them, but it is also true that when in a marriage, there is no "reciprocal" respect, understanding, caring, affection and support, nothing could truly develop and flourish in healthy and fulfilling ways, but it would only lead and deepen pain and suffering, and children become the real helpless victims.
she doesnt say shes leaving i just watch her very close its been up and down with her situation i can tell when its bad bcuz shes all sad and then she wants to tell me she loves me but its hard for me to just be ok knowing whats going on
This is why, specially when reality becomes this tough, is when you need to be much more objective, assertive and proactive, taking necessary actions in order to take good care of yourself, and from there of your child, doing everything that depends on you.
Right, and it is this huge and increasing uncertainty and dysfunction what is deteriorating your mental health and life even more, and that's why you feel this overwhelming and needing to do something about it, otherwise you could suffer much more.
In situations like this your "support system", should play a key and active role helping you to cope with all these challenges. Since you moved there, do you have any of your healthy and supportive family members or close friends by there r at least keep closely in touch with them?
im here alone she and my son are my only family
This is very sad indeed. Then please you need to set these other two areas as priorities here too. Namely, building and promoting a new and healthy support system and a social network, and consider regular individual counseling or psychotherapy in order to get the best possible professional support, since what you have been facing is tough, and the last thing you want to afford is to develop a chronic depression, anxiety or any other serious mental health disorder from it.
yes thanks so much i think im done with this cycle i hate to say it but what comes around goess around im not being mean either
Joining a support group would ideally complement individual therapy and allow you a lot better coping with all present and future challenges, specially because of your current limitation of not having a healthy support system, which could push you to get more isolated and vulnerable to suffer much more, leading to any of these serious mental disorders. This is something you do not need nor deserve at all, and only taking good care of yourself would allow you to continue taking good care for your son, this is why it is so important to get the best possible support.
You're very welcome. I do agree with you and totally support you. Thank you for trusting me this much.
thanks have a gr8t one
Thank you. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here to support you as possible.
how do i contact you
Let me give you the direct link to my profile, where you could directly contact me. Just remember to address your messages-questions to me-Rafael, in order for me to know you want me to reply, and I will as soon as possible.
This is the link you need: http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-morales-toia/
You're welcome. Take gentle care.