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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My mother also kept my dad away from me. They collude in keeping

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My mother also kept my dad away from me. They collude in keeping him away from me. We never had any relationship and he never calls me. Once he told me kids are not as important asca spouse. Today I heard from my mom (I dont trust either of them) and I said...."Dad only has one daughter, why doesn't he ever call me?" I have little relstionship with mom and....
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Dear Dawn,

Perhaps dad was more of an alcoholic and more disturbed than you ever realized. Perhaps he had a violent temper or was very abusive when he drank? Perhaps you mom was protecting you from him and from the truth, and is now too used to living the lie or too ashamed to tell the whole story.

Perhaps dad couldn't reach out or your mom wouldn't have wanted him to.

There may be another family member who is available and who will enlighten you.

The good news is that YOU didn't turn out that way.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I didnt think of it that way, but wonder why. Hmmm.


I once asked mom why she didnt protect me from his physical abuse as a child and she said I was making it up.


So, I made a mistake ask7ng why he doesnt call me? For example I sent a birthday card to him and it was my mom who thanked me. They live in another state. He could have picked up the phone and thanked me himself, no? If she is protecting me, than why did she lie about the physical abuse? Sorry I am little confused and mixed up

Who physically abused you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My Dad did.

So she kept him away and he is now either still abusive, or ashamed, or too far gone to remember or care. She was protecting you as best she could.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I AM TRYING TO SEE IT AS PROTECTING ME. oopscall caps there. But isnt it all about protecting him? Hiding him from me and his disease and telling me I made up the physical abuse?

I see. (stroking beard). It seems that she is very ashamed on her failure to protect you and in hiding him she is trying to hide/deny what he did. She is protecting herself. Thank you for clearing that up.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Deep shame, does she even feel that, or is she too deep in denial? is it possible she believes her own lies? Last inquiry, I know weve been on a while.

She has been telling this story for a long time and may very well believe it at this point. It is self-protective for her to be in denial. That way she does not have to face her own conscience about her failure to protect you.

She was wrong and nothing can change about the past.

It would be the most healing and therapeutic for you to forgive them as much as possible. The more you forgive, the more you will be healed. I can assure you of that.

I am happy to help you and don't mind giving you my time.

I keep you in my prayers.

Warmest regards,

Elliott
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