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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, Because I am talking about someone who is almost

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Because I am talking about someone who is almost a a family member, and I need to not put anything in writing her that later might be found and become hurtful to this person, can i please just ask in very general terms for some basic guidelines and also some very specific actual phrases to say to encourage and support etc... an extremely insecure adult male who has very little self confidence? What makes this situation even more complicated is that the person "knows" that he is this way and is embarrassed by it and very defensive if ever anyone tries to encourage him, compliment him or talk to him about anything in his life. He is very isolated, never married, and has very very few connections with anyone. Out conversations are difficult as he barely speaks or carries on a conversation about anything.

Can you please give me maybe 5 very specific phrases to say that are just simply affirming, but not condescending, or manipulate that I can use from time to time to just simple make him feel comfortable and safe. (to talk to me I mean), and that I might build him up and or draw him out?

An example of the exact kind of things I'm looking for is:

"I love it when you tell me stuff like that.. details of your life" (after he ever has finally told me something).

That's literally the only one i can think of! Help help help!

Thank you so much!

PS: I am not in a position to be able to chat, or probably even type back. I will probably be able to check my computer for one answer. THanks!
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I understand that you are a very caring person who wants to do something that will help this person to feel better about himself.

While phrases like the one one you mentioned are superficially helpful and may built him up just a bit, he needs some real guidance.

I will give yhou the phrases that you are looking for, but then I will give you some workbooks and you can send him one or give him one or have someone else give them to him.

-"You're quiet, and it takes getting to know you to see how talented (clever/intelligent) you are."

-"You have a very subtle sense of humor".

- "You are such a nice person".

- "I always enjoy seeing you."

- "I always feel comfortable talking to you. You are a good listener".

Now for the books:

Product Details

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi


Product Details

The Power of Self-Confidence: Become Unstoppable, Irresistible, and Unafraid in Every Area of Your Life by Brian Tracy


I hope that this is helpful to you.


I shall keep him, and you (the excellent friend) in my prayers.


Warm regards,



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