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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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This question can be classified as "Relationship", "Parenting",

This answer was rated:

This question can be classified as "Relationship", "Parenting", "Wedding", and "Etiquette". I come from a very controlling family. They have my life planned out for me, for the most part. I don't get much say in my own life. Yes, I am over eighteen. I'm twenty-four to be specific. My parents don't want me to get married, however. Marriage isn't in their plans for my life at all. But, I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who wants to marry me someday.

My family is very old-fashioned and not politically correct most of the time. Due to everything that I have stated above, I am afraid that my father will not grant his permission for my boyfriend to propose to me in the future. Is there anything that can be done so that the wedding will happen?

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXXX,

Hello again.

I hope you resolved your past issues with your controlling flatmates and landlady.

Now you have another issue of a controlling father.

You are an adult women, and have been legally an adult for 6 years, yet you act like a child. I understand that it is cultural and that you are supposed to follow these cultural rules because if you don't then your father will not be able to control you anymore and you will be able to have YOUR OWN LIFE, as an adult. I would be so awful for your father to give up his stranglehold on your destiny.

So, you have to decide whether or not you want to be your own person.

If your father does not permit it, then he obviously does not care about you or your life, and does not really love you. He loves his control.

There is an easy answer to this. If there is a boulder in your path your can stop your voyage and be stuck, or you can simply walk around the boulder.

I know that this is a big step for you for you have been made to believe that you are not in charge of your life. If you want to give up your life then move back with your parents and become a spinster and do their bidding until you are old and don't have any more passion in your blood.

OR, you and your beloved man can just get married - just like that. Your family will fuss and make a lot of noise and threats but they will get over it, and if they don't you will be with someone who REALLY cares about your life and happiness, and not about outmoded and useless rules that will wreck you life. It is time to grow up and be your own person.

I wish you great strength and shall keep you in my prayers.


That is all the advice I can give you.


Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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