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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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Hello. My boyfriend of over a year just broke up with me a

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Hello. My boyfriend of over a year just broke up with me a week ago. It was really hard for both of us, but kept saying he was unhappy, wasn't sure why, but still loves me a lot. He told me he wants to take a break from the relationship, I gave him until Christmas break. However, he told me he still wants to be apart of my life, as a friend. Lately, he has been coming over, sleeping here with me, just like we are dating again, but keeps mentioning how we are still friends. What should I do here? I am very confused, when we broke up, we were fighting more, but he was crying with me while it was happening.. It was very hard for us to leave each other...I am just confused if he is going to be with me again after Christmas break or if he just said that to ease the break up process? And why is he still so attached to me?
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
I am sorry you are going through all this confusion. It is clear that he is confused too. The confusion is a result of boundaries which are not clear. A break from the relationship means a break from the relationship. This is not a break. You need to ask him if he has changed his mind about the break. If he has not, then, you need to set the boundary. If you are okay with friends, then set the boundary at phone calls, texts and coffee at the restaurant. If you are not comfortable with being "friends", then it means no contact until Christmas break. What is going on now is not a break.

Many people cannot be intimate and then, switch to friendship. So if you are having trouble with friends, do not be afraid to say so. He is going to do what he wants no matter what you do, so do not feel like you have to follow his wishes. Do what is best for you.

He may be easing the break up process for you and for himself. It is hard to tell but your boundary-setting will bring it all to light. He may be attached because he really has feelings for you....he needs to figure this out and some distance may help him.

Well...I wish you the best,
I hope these thoughts help give you some clarity
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