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Elliott, Ive got a follow up. Before he knew I was upset

Elliott, I've got a follow...
Elliott, I've got a follow up. Before he knew I was upset about his behavior. I just texted him and told him that whatever he was going through that I am thinking about him and still love him. He responded.. I love you too. Thanks for helping me put it into context. On a deeper level, I am mad at myself for all his issues, but I will try to keep any guilt seperate from my dealings with him.
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Answered in 27 minutes by:
10/23/2013
Josie-Mod
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Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online.

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Dear Dawn,

It's possible that after you told him that "whatever he was going through that I am thinking about him and still love him", and then saw you upset about his issues, he may have felt that you were not giving him unconditional love.

I know that you DO love him unconditionally, but he may not feel he is worthy of anybody's love, not even yours, because of his depressed condition, which greatly lowers self-worth and makes the depressed person so irritable.

You have given him a great deal and haven't made more mistakes than anyone else. All families have imperfections. You cannot blame yourself. Put your best face on and give him as much encouragement as possible.

Your positive outlook must be stronger and overcome his negative.

Keep your sunnyside up !

Warm regards,

Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Elliott,

At first I was upset and told him via text that his shortness hurt. He apologized. I (uncharachteristically) replied " whatever". I was crying, but he didnt know it. Than I spoke with you and had a different mindset. A half hour later, i texted again and I told him whatever he is going through that I still love him. Do you still percieve this as him interpreting it as me not providing "unconditional love", knowing the order of events? Thanks for comments

I think that he may just be sulking. What do you think?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Like in the victim mindset? Perhaps. I heard anxiety in his voice and shortness with me. In fact, the nature of our conversation was him sharing with me about his therapy. Maybe just verbalizing it was hard enough for him. Yet, when I try to make encouraging (genuine) remarks, he downgrades and minimizes them. Either he doesn't feel worthy of my positive observation or appraisal, or doesnt believe them. And I dont sugar coat, I say what I feel. He is hyperfocused on school at the exclusion of socialization, and maybe he feels that he is not good enough and seems hard on himself.

Dear Dawn,

That is a good analogy: A victim of fate, of not being dealt the best hand, of not being good enough.

I probably thinks you are patronizing him and just trying to give him encouragement that cannot help him.

People who are depressed feel hopeleless and unable to crawl out of the hole which they have dug for themselves.

He is probably anxious about school and his main focus is there to the excusion of everything else.

Let me ask you: is he ever manic (in a super-great mood, talking exceptionally fast, perhaps moving fast, and being reckless in his behavior?) He is already hyperfocused and goal directed which is an indication.

Do his moods change from high to low to high, etc.?

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX

Okay;

Super great mood? No

Talking exceptionally fast? I notice more than once he talks fast, but not sure how exceptional.

Reckless in behavior? No, he seems to have a heavy foot when driving but is careful in most other areas of life.

moving fast? No

Mood change from high to low? Not really

my son is taking xanax for anxiety prescribe through a psychiatrist. However, I always felt that his need for organization is strongly connected with trying to stave away feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious

Dear Dawn,

I was just checking for any indications of bipolar disorder. Now that you mention his need for organization I think that there is a possibility.

Reckless driving is an indicator (along with reckless spending or purchasing or gambling or sex).

Here are the symptoms for mania.

Mania is one pole of bipolar disorder, the other being depression (and it used to be called manic depression).

Mania DSM-IV

A) A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary)

B) During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:

1) inflated self-esteem or grandiosity

2) decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)

3) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking

4) flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing

5) distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)

6) increase in goal-directed activity (at work, at school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation

7) excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

C) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode

D) The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.

E) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition.

Look over the criteria and see if he fits with 3 or more of the above criteria:

It always helps to try to follow up on these things.

Warm regards,

Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I thought he had GAD. A couple may fit here, but nothing really sticks out. wouldn't some derivitive of OCD also be a possibility? He has social anxiety as well. I knowpeople with bi po.ar are at a high associative risk with OCD. He sleeps more than usual, not less than usual, lol. Item 4 and D are possible, but cant find anything that resembles him here. The description seem to match my other son moreso

Hi again.

From what you say, he does not have OCD, but other forms of anxiety. Sleeping too much (or not enough) is a sign of depression, which he seems to have. Does he have panic attacks (also a form of anxiety) and is he afraid to go out or just shy in front of others?

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

No, OCD, okay. Maybe because I didnt describe any known compulsions.

He doesnt seem afraid to go out in general, but feels insecure, or shy I believe. No panic attacks to my knowledge. I agree with the depression and anxiety.

So what are his obsessions and compulsions (name both if you can). The first is a repetitive thought and the second is actions taken to quell the thought.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Elliott, I don't know of any obsessions or compulsions, which is why I said that you probably omitted the possibility of OCD

Just a small communication mishap.

 

He is a male youthful operator of a vehicle and I have been in the car with him when he has had a heavy foot. On the upside, he has never been in a car accident since he had been licensed and is now age 21. However my husband, is downright aggressive when he drives in comparison to my son. Sighhh

 

Your son probably learned heavy foot syndrome from your husband. Being 21 and male is understandable.

I'd say that your son is depressed. Focusing heavily on succeeding is his own self-therapy. He is very goal directed but is also vey anxiety prone. Perhaps it runs in the family (as various forms of anxiety often do).

This is a tough time for a young man making the transition from childhood to adulthood.

It won't be smooth sailing all of the time but you are doing alright and your family is still cohesive.

He will become a full man and bring you pleasure and the rewards of motherhood.

Continue to be patient.

Warm regards,
Elliott
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Elliott, thank you very much for kind words , great insight and your time.


Blessings to you.


 

Likewise to you. Thank you for putting your trust in me, Dawn.

Warmest regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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