Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Hi, i have a very difficult issue at the moment. Currently

im with my fiance and...
Hi, i have a very difficult issue at the moment. Currently im with my fiance and we have 2 kids together. But i still cant stop thinking about a girl i dated 5 years ago i have had many other relationships after her but i still never could get her out head. I fell like im losing my mind over this. Any help would be appreciated.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 minute by:
10/22/2013
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems very overwhelming .

Customer:

yea it is

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How have you felt with your current relationship and family life ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you report seems to be an obsession with this other person. have you kept in touch with her at all?

Customer:

i have messaged her a cpl time on facebook but that was months ago

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. Are you happy with your marital life and family?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then for the past 5 years that's all the contact you have had with this ex-girlfriend, right?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But perhaps you have been following her through social networking or not at all?

Customer:

yea ive seen her once or twice throughout the years in public but never said anythig to her she said hi once

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. Then I think it could be about an anxiety-obsessive disorder. Did you happen to have the necessary ending process?

Customer:

well when we were together i was going through hard times had alot of suicidal thoughts and i believed she saved me from myself.

Customer:

To this day i dont know why she ended it she claimed that her father would send here sway up north if we continued on

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then it makes sense why you attached to this person so much, you were very vulnerable at that time in your life and she played a key supportive role, a crucial one since it was about your life integrity.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then there was not a healthy and clear ending process, and that left you feeling this way. I think the mental health crisis you underwent at that time could have been at the core of her decision to end the relationship. No way to truly know since you did not have the chance to work on the ending process, leaving you grieving.

Customer:

yea ive been wanting to talk to her about it but i fell it would be uncomfortable or wierd contacting her since its been 5 years since weve been together

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, it has been too long already, and I do not believe it would help now, since this is not about your relationship anymore, since it ended 5 years ago, but about how it and its end affected you and this is something you need to work on yourself, and for that it seems necessary for you to consider individual psychotherapy, once this is not healthy and has been affecting your life this much for all this long.

Customer:

ive been considering going to therapy just money is tight at the moment. And i just feel so bad because i feel id rather be with her than my current fiance.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I truly believe you, your fiance and children need and deserve to fully enjoy your lives together, for all of you to grow together happy and fulfilled, and that's why you should not delay your rehabilitation process from this challenging life experience that has been left unresolved for so long.

Customer:

So what am i to do at this point ive been searching for answers all this time and came up short.

Customer:

obviously i want her back but dont want to jeopardize my kids lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why therapy is so important. If you truly love your fiance you should work on yourself and on deepening and promoting your relationship and life together, otherwise you should be open and honest and move away from her. But for you to believe that you could get back with your ex-girlfriend after 5 years, knowing how things ended would be very unrealistic and self-sabotaging, and it would also continue to undermine your life and family in case you still really have enough affection and caring about your fiance, since your parental role-responsibility will always be there no matter what you choose to do about your marital life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then if you do not love your fiance, you need to be fully honest with her, in order to work on how you would end your relationship and take good care of your children, since they are and will continue to be affected by everything you so. Just be very well aware that you would be leaving the relationship because of your lack of enough and necessary love and commitment and not because of having any certainty that you would get back together other woman, since that would be unrealistic. You could try your best, XXXXX XXXXX objective, for you not to fool yourself nor to get even more hurt nor to hurt this person and other people around her-you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I believe you should get into individual psychotherapy to work on yourself before making any serious decision or change in your life. Once the chances for self-sabotaging are very high, and as I said before, you could have developed an anxiety-obsessive disorder, and unless you find out and address it with professional support, you could make thing harder, not easier for you, while adding extra pin and suffering tho those involved.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You could contact the county mental health department and they would refer you to a local mental health clinic where you could receive counseling or psychotherapeutic support for a fee that you could afford.

Customer:

yea it does makes sense. I have pondered many situations in my mind about leaving her and trying to get back together with the other girl. But as it stands even if i leave my fiance and it wouldn't work out with the other girl. I feel no other girl could make me happy as i have had many relationships in the past, and none of them really sunk in deep with me. I feel even if i have the most perfect woman in the world she would still not make me happy.

Customer:

i appreciate your advice it's helping me allot right now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. I do really believe you need to reflect on how healthy or unhealthy this love has been in your life. It seems it has become an obsession, that you need to work on processing the loss that happened 5 years ago on order to be able to be truly present and to take good care of your life and reality now. This is why I insist on the importance to get adequate professional psychotherapeutic support as soon as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I truly hope you reflect on this and take consistent actions necessary to take better care of yourself, kids and life.

Customer:

thank you i will , you have been very informative and i do believe it has become a bit of an obsessive issue .

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. I agree. Please take gentle care and consistent action getting the support you need to build the healthy and fulfilling life you deserve.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Customer:

Alright thank you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take care

Customer:

you 2

RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
RealSupport and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask RealSupport Your Own Question
RealSupport
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
3,191 Satisfied Customers
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

RealSupport is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl friend to his mother in law? … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been
This question is for Cher. Hi- I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been living with the same man for 9 1/2 years. We have had some problems off and on in the last year - he moved out … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief during an ongoing, dragged out divorce? What's the best way to keep esteem high if the other party is highly negative, miserable, depressed,… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
I fell in love with a woman that has emotional baggage and
I fell in love with a woman that has emotional baggage and is not ready to give her hart right now … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
Back on 7/28/2012, I requested that with me today to see if
Dear psychlady, Back on 7/28/2012, I requested that you follow up with me today to see if my issue was resolved. If I give you a positive rating for this follow-up, JustAnswer will pay you since it's … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it will, lol! I am
Jen, I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it will, lol ! I am continuing to date him but he knows I am not as committed as him in the relationship and that I am bothered by his pushiness and do not have… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
The guy who came to my house on a second date is asking to
Hi Jen The guy who came to my house on a second date is asking to spend time with me again on the weekend. I did not yet reply. He said that this time he will bring his guitar. I am confused. I have m… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I hope for you. The catalyst that brought me to a decision
Jen , Good day I hope for you. The catalyst that brought me to a decision (the final straw) to end my marriage was when my husband was plotting to buy an investment property with my oldest son without… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I am almost 58 and had been date a 24 girl, she was really
I am almost 58 and had been date a 24 girl, she was really into me, fun and funny, with were good frieds as well. she always wanted to be psychical but a fought. I believe she had some separetion anlg… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
10 years ago I met this man. He is still in my life. He's..
Hello. :) 10 years ago I met this man. He is still in my life. He's Joe. I'm Carmen. He asked for a sign from God. The next day we got a street sign "JOE and CARMEN" 10 years goes by. I joined the Arm… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
Over the weekend she liked a lightning compilation video I
Hi Jen :)Over the weekend she liked a lightning compilation video I made from the video captured on my drone, so I gather she is saying she is still around... Got really excited on Friday night as I f… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I have OCD, depression, eating disorder. I used to not be
I have OCD, depression, eating disorder. I used to not be able to have family or friends over unless I was my perfect self. That would mean eating good and on my low weight side and active. I started … read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
Whenever I get drunk I have urges to cheat on my partner, by
Whenever I get drunk I have urges to cheat on my partner, by thinking about using prostitution … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
Dumped my boyfirend yesterday. Basically he was replying my
Basically he was replying my messages so late, whenever I call he says I will call you back and he doesn't, he says his busys but doesn't tell me? Yesterday when I said we need to be frends he said you know we won't be friends and he also said we are not meant to be together … read more
matt50025002
matt50025002
Owner of a waste management company
Master\u0027s Degree
118 satisfied customers
I promissed an update! Well here it is. So yesterday she
Hey,I promissed an update! Well here it is.So yesterday she cancelled the date because she was tierd (what she told me). And she told me that we can go out today, and a moment ago I asked her when we … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Question for Female Therapist. - Thanks for re-connecting
[Second opinion] Question for Female Therapist. - Thanks for re-connecting with me. In my last letter (Oct 27),I indicated that Ro had said "hi" and started to say, "Harv how have you bee....."but the… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
I am in a bit of s spot I talk to guys on the internet and I
I am in a bit of s spot I talk to guys on the internet and I have two guys that like me a lot. And they both decided to come home at the same time just s day apart should I tell them about each other … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My problem is about a relationship in which I m into from
Hi, My problem is about a relationship in which I m into from past 1 year. I am married and she is also married but currently she is staying away from her husband though they meet each other occasiona… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
165 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x