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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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ok... so I have been dating this guy since March 2013. We

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ok... so I have been dating this guy since March 2013. We were talking about the future and he had asked me to get a new job (as I looking) closer to his house so that we could spend more time together. He has a daughter which he is very protective of and I had met her a couple of times which was huge for him. I held back my emotions a lot in the relationship and we never really discussed things at length due to my fears. Everything was fine and I thought we were happy. The only thing that I would ask more of was that we spent more time together but I never really pushed it. He works away every third to forth weekend and has his daughter every second weekend. So we would only spend some weekends together and at least twice during the week. The last time I saw him, I was cranky. I made a remark about him not seeing me and how he makes time for his friends. He was very upset by this. I then asked to hang out with him the next weekend but he said he couldn't. He felt down and had a lot on his mind. He is dealing with a lot of things including work, family and injury. I left him alone for the weekend but he continued to initiate the texting and asking how my day was etc. I pulled right back with the texting but initiated a few phone calls. We continued just to text for the next few weeks but no spending time together. He would always ask about me and make jokes through the texting. I then sent a text asking if we could catch up to sort things out. He pulled right back and stopped all contact. Would reply when I texted but we did make a date. On the day he cancelled because he had hurt his back. I stopped contact for over a week but nothing. I then asked again if I could meet up to get a couple of small things back from him. He agreed but then cancelled again. I'm so confused and would love to have him back in my life but mostly would love to know what happened. At the very least, some closure so I can move on. I don't know how to approach this though. It's been two and a half weeks since any contact which was him cancelling. Would love your thoughts on this situation and any advice you could offer.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this situation.

It is so much easier to see as an outsider looking in.

You are both very defensive and quick to take offense for self-protection. It is so easy to damage and ultimately spoil a good relationship when both individuals are too quick to react to imagined or very small slights, particularly unintentional ones.
I recommend that you write him an email - not a text.

Tell him that you really enjoy his company and miss him very much. Tell him that you are a bit insecure and sometimes over-react to imagined slights and that you think he and you are a lot alike in that regard.

Tell him you would like to start to see him again and wanted to clear the air first by telling him that you value his friendship and want to continue to cultivate it.

Yes, you will be making yourself vulnerable, but if he is the man that I believe he is, he will respond in kind and you can get your relationship back on track again.

You both need a bit more courage and a bit more humility.

If this does not work and he does not respond with the kindness and openness that you will have shown by contacting him in this way, then it will be much easier to get closure and move on, for he will have shown that he is not the man you hoped he was.

I have a hunch, however, that this will work.

Whether or not it does, the end result will be you moving forward with your life.

I wish you courage, wisdom, and patience, and shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Warm regards,

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