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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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I met a girl about a month-2 months ago. Weve been talking

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I met a girl about a month-2 months ago. We've been talking since then. She and I both really like each other. She's a very great funny caring girl who has a very successful career. She wants to date me and vice versa. I am a pretty relaxed kind of guy. I enjoy drinking beer with my buddies and working on trucks. I have been trashed about 2-3 times in my life. She is very romantic and enjoys spending quality time just me and her. However she will go out to a bar with girlfriends and she will drink 13 shots by herself and just be more than than hammered. She describes herself as a "Wild one". Yet she is very successfully in her career with a lot of responsibility. She is perfect besides this wild n crazy go out and party side she has every now and then. I don't know how to react or what I am supposed to do with someone who is "wild". Should I date her because we care about each other so much and everything else is perfect? Or should I not? If so. What do I do with this wild side of hers that doesn't match me ? Thank you.
Hi there,

Thanks for your question - I'm happy to try to help you today.

It sounds like you both really care about each other a lot and that you have the potential to develop more than just a superficial relationship. I do get the impression from what you've said here that you feel like you could have a real connection with her if you both decided to pursue the relationship. But the "wild side" could be a potential problem for you both if she can't keep a handle on it. If you are thinking about the long term possibilities for your relationship, then do you think you could be with her if she didn't change this behavior? Is it something you think you might feel comfortable addressing with her? It sounds like, since you say that her job is stressful, that she's just looking for a way to let off steam and unwind, but 13 shots is quite a few, (to put it lightly) and it could be a sign of a real problem. It could also depend on whether this is something she does every weekend or just once in a while. Obviously the more frequently it occurs the more likely it is that it could develop into a serious problem. She might not want to admit that she may have a problem, so it could be a touchy subject to address. Or she just might not see it as a problem at all. But if you are looking for a serious relationship, you might want to talk to her about it at some point. Since you've only known her for two months and it doesn't sound like your relationship is very serious yet, you could wait and see how things develop. Perhaps once she is in a committed relationship with you, her behavior will change and she won't feel the need to go out and party so frequently. But I also think you wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't concerned about it, so it is something to seriously consider and talk about with her, when you feel ready. If everything else is perfect, and she is willing to moderate her behavior (she doesn't have to give up partying, but she has to be willing to meet you in the middle, wherever that might be for you -- only you can decide what you feel comfortable with), then I think you should just give it a try and see what happens. If it doesn't work out and she doesn't want to change, or, as you said, the wild side doesn't match you, then you can always end things on a friendly note -- it's not as if you'll both be stuck in the relationship if things don't work.

I hope that helps, and I wish you luck!
Please let me know if you need additional assistance.
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