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Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
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Im in a weird situation with my ex, and Id like to have some

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I'm in a weird situation with my ex, and I'd like to have some perspective on what's going on in her mind.

Basically, we were in a very short relationship that ended half a year ago due to her not feeling ready for a relationship on her part (at that point in her life, she'd never been with another man besides me, and she hasn't been with anyone else since). After the break up I started chasing her very hard and it soured our relationship to the point that we didn't talk to each other for a few months.

At this point, while I'd still get back with her if she's open to it, I've started dating other women and she's no longer my 'priority' so to speak. Anyway, we met up again two weeks ago wtih a group of our mutual friends, and since then I've been confused about what she wants out of our friendship. At first, she didn't even speak to me and practically had to be strongarmed by our friends to greet me.

After that, we just started talking normally but every now and again she'd grab my hand and start either scratching me or biting me. That aside, when we met last week, she kept punching me on occasion and ended up scratching out a tic-tac-toe game on my arm once. Just to clarify, this isn't something I'm against and I do enjoy it although it felt a little strange that she'd do it in public. A friend of me said something along the lines of that meaning that she wants my attention but I'm not so sure about that. I say this mostly because when we were offered a picture together, she immediately rejected the idea in favor of getting other people in the picture as well.

We met a week after that (that is, a few days ago) again as part of a Society meeting, where things got even weirder. She still keeps trying to scratch and bite me although she did other things as well that make me very confused about her intentions. For one, when I started flirting with another girl in the Society, she started getting catty with me and tried to drag my attention away from her. Then when she had to sit in a seat next to me, she asked me to move to the next one so we wouldn't have to sit together. Then when I left my bag with her, she began using it as the mascot for her team (long story) while making jokes that it was a better version of me. Then she shared her drink with me when we moved to the bar. Then she ended up talking to another guy for somewhere between half an hour to an hour which I admit made me exceptionally jealous, although a few of my friends said it didn't look as if anything came out of it. Then she dragged me away from another girl I was flirting with to tell me she was leaving but when I offered to go to the bus station with her, she said she'd take the cab.

Anyway, that's where we left of, and I suppose the question I want to ask is:

What's going through her mind with all these mixed signals she's giving?

Norman M. :

Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

Norman M. :

I see that you are still offline so I'm going to switch this to question and answer mode and leave a reply ready for your return

Our chat has ended, but please see my reply below. You can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

One cannot, of course, be 100% accurate about what is going on in another person’s mind, but that said, she is showing many signs of attention seeking and emotional insecurity.

Let’s look at her behaviour when you were in a relationship. She was not ready for that, but you moved on and saw other girls, which she then viewed as cheating. In other words, she was not ready to commit to you, yet thought the she had some proprietorial rights over you.

You did not cheat in that situation – you simply did what was normal and natural.

Since then, when you have met, she has behaved very strangely indeed, she punches and scratches you, does not want to sit next to you, and tries to break up your conversation with another girl.

It is most likely that she is too immature to form a good, strong and open relationship with anyone, let alone you.

Her behaviour (and it does seem attention seeking) shows that very clearly, and frankly, it is not a good foundation for a good bond being formed between you.

She may well change with time, but how long that will take is an open question. Are you prepared to put your life on hold for her until she does? If you are, then that’s fine. If not, keep moving on. Remember you are not responsible for her, and you have to look after your own interest.

Best regards, Norman.

Norman M. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hello again from Norman. I hope my answer was comprehensive, but if you would like to ask any further questions, I´d be happy to respopnd.

If you did find it satsidfactory, please let me know, and if not, it would help me to know what I might have missed out.