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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My 40 yr old wife of eleven yrs kicked me out for no apparent

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My 40 yr old wife of eleven yrs kicked me out for no apparent reason. She says she needs time and space. She's not even herself anymore. she has pushed away all her friends and family and just wants to be alone.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend

I believe that I can help with this situation.

When a person begins to cut her ties with friends and family then this is a strong incdication that she is suffering from Major Depression.

If she is truly sufferng from depression she will manifest several symptoms:

The psychiatric diagnostic manual, the DSM-IV defines t5he criteria for depression as follows:

Major Depressive Episode

DSM IV Criteria

A) Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure

Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations

1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.
2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)
3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.
4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)
8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

B) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode

C) The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism)

E) The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.

You have not really described her symptoms in any detail.

Has there been any illness, any precipitating events or major stressors, or possibly anybody else?

You say you have already tried therapy.

If you wish to add some more detail to this question, I shall be happy to follow up with you tomorrow (Wed) as I am retiring for the evening.

Warm regards,


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

our son went to university, she turned 40, she had an IUD, a friend of ours died, two of her friends are in custody battles, her mom used to tell her she was a mistake, her dad never has told her he loves her, this is her second marriage, got fired from her job, spends money when she's depressed then feels guilty, she's been seeing a therapist for years and is on meds for depression,I have bipolar which is under control. I know she's depressed but why does she push me away? Is there anything I can do to save my marriage? This is extremely urgent!!!!!!!!!

Dear Darren,

Her depression has gotten worse.

Her meds are not helping her. Her therapist is not helping her

Perhaps she also has bipolar order.

What makes me think that is that she spends money recklessly which is more of a sign of bipolar than of depression. Perhaps she is also engaging in other reckless behavior which she can better carry out when she is not under scrutiny. This could be a sign bipolar as well.

If she is only taking antidepressants and no mood stabilizers or antipsychotics then the antidepressants by themselves could cause a serious increase in her mania.

You say that she kicked you out. You did not have to go. Perhaps you can return there, not matter what she says about it. Tell her that you are returning to help her and then do your utmost to fulfill her needs and don't just let her drift away

Desperate times require desperate action. It is not time to abandon ship but to stay close and try to keep your relationship going.

She needs new professionals treating her, as she is failing to respond to her present course of treatment, despite years of trying.

She needs continued close-up unconditional love from you to restore her self- confidence, which is very low at present.

You must continue to be positive and loving. Don't ask for explanations, but just be there for her and reinforce her important to you.

I know that you are very distraught.

Nevertheless you must be positive and strong and don't let her see your fear. Just show her your love and that is the most positive thing that you can do for your.

I shall keep her in my prayers.


Warm regards,

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