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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Why is my husband glancing at other women and then taking sometimes

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My husband is making eye contact with women and then taking sometimes a second and third look even when I am with him?

Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.Again
Dear XXXXX : You should explain too him that it makes you uncomfortable and you feel he should not be looking at other women.
Dear XXXXX : One thing I want you to ask him if he knows if he is doing this or is he just looking without even knowing.
Dear XXXXX : He might not even realize he he looking twice. You need to explain too him that when you both are out he should fully focused on you.
Dear XXXXX : Some times if you explain things in a new way by saying how would he feel if you were looking at other men.
Dear XXXXX : You need to tell him that when you are out with him he should be looking into your eyes and be telling you how much he loves you. You do not want to go out and feel uncomfortable that he is going to be looking at other women. You need have his full attention.
Dear XXXXX : In order to understand why he is doing this he needs to explain whoso that you both can solve this problem.
Dear XXXXX : TThis might be something he is doing he doesn't even realize he's doing. It might not have to do with looking at women, he might be just staring off.
Dear XXXXX : Some times when your mind is thinking of other things you tend to look in certain directions even though your mind is somewhere else.
Dear XXXXX : It is best that you both sit down and talk about how you feel. I want you to fully explain too him how you feel so he fully understands.
Dear XXXXX : If you feel more comfortable you can also write down your feelings
Dear XXXXX : By giving him a letter.
Dear XXXXX : This way you can take your time and think about what you wanted to say.

Yeah but I have told him and talked to him about it but he hasnt stopped and I am not comfortable going anywhere with him anymore it hurts my feelings


I really love him but I have never dealt with this before with him

Dear XXXXX : Did he explain why he is doing this?

So i wonder if hes going through his change of life and really am starting to be hurt by it


At first he acted like he didn't realise it but I made him recall some of the incidences and he said heyeah i guess I was and apologised but I still catch him doing it all the time but havent howned him about it casue I dont want him to think Im jealous or something cause I have never been


He's a great guy but I dont really know how to handle this I feel im becoming distant from him and am loosing attraction because hes not respecting what I say


thats why I wonder when they are going thru the change if this is something that is uncontrollable with them

Dear XXXXX : I would point it out because he might not always know he is doing it. It's not about being jealous so don't be worried about expressing yourself. You want to tell him that he is doing it again. This way he will be aware of it. This is something new that you are dealing with and he needs to realize when he is doing it so he can stop.

He has always repected me before so I am so confused on my feelings with this issue


Should I make him aware of it at that time whens hes doing it


I dont want to inbarress him


So what is your advise on this please try to help me on this

Dear XXXXX : This is why I feel he might be doing this without thinking. I think he's just staring off. You are feeling uncomfortable because he has never done this so you are trying to understand why and I feel he doesn't know why either this is why you need to point it out and tell him it is hard to go out with him because he should be focusing in you and him.

I donrt want to become bitter but I am


but the point is I have made him aware of it but hes not listening to me

Dear XXXXX : You want to have a certain word or even just a gentle touch on his arm to signal him he is doing this. This way you will not embarrass him.

I relly feel it is affecting our relationship closeness we have been married for 40 happy years only one year in the 40 did we have some ups and downs


So you really feel I should tell him why I don't want to go anywhere with him anymore that this is the reason why

Dear XXXXX : You have a very strong relationship. You have been together for many years. I feel that this can be worked out and one way is for him to figure out why he is doing this. Explain too him that you love him and that this is something that is effecting our relationship.

I might print this and then he may understand then how bad its bothering me if I asked for some advice on it

Dear XXXXX : I feel you should be open and honest so he understands

Do you think this is a good idea

Dear XXXXX : That is a great idea then he will see your true feelings.

I miss our closeness because I feel maybe hes not seeing me all the time like maybe hes having fantasys

Dear XXXXX : I don't think it is fantasies. I feel he might have something on his mind he wants to talk about but doesn't know how to open up to talk about it. I want you to think about when this all started and if something changed in your lives that might have effected how he is acting.

This does sometimes happen in this stage of life with men and I dont want that to happen to us we have had such a good trusting honest marraige and this is feeling desepitive to me by the looking at other women it almost makes me feel like hes attracted to them in their eyes I am a smart lady and I can feel the vives


And I dont like what I am feeling at all

Dear XXXXX : This is why he needs to explain things too you so that you can put your worries a side. You need to know why in order to feel comfortable again.

Yes your right but Im not sure how to make him realise that I am very serious about this

Dear XXXXX : This is what I want you to try. When he starts doing it grab his hand gently. His focus will go to you and his hand. You can even tell him what you are going to do so he stops. Some times people in relationships want to know that their partner still cares about them so they do things to see if they care.

Yeah but another thing is if I tell him this again I dont want him to feel like I amtrying to be controlling of him either

Dear XXXXX : That is not controlling because this is how you feel.

So you think that maybe he knows that I am noticing this so he is doing it to get my attention

Dear XXXXX : This could be the reason. He might be trying to see if you still care after all these years.

I am worried that by him getting glances back from these woman that it makes him feel good and thats ok to an extent we all like to feel attractive BUTTTTTT


I really dont ever make him feel bad but I do notice that he is as patient as he used to be and that he isnt as interested in all we used to do together as much as he used to be so Im hoping its a stage hes going through


He doesnt seem to have the interest in doing everything together anymore like he used to we always did everything together but I did always spoil him


Thanks so much hun and I will take your advice and talk to him again


I just hope he istens to me because It is going to damage our relationship if he doesnt I already feel it happening but if he quits I will have to get over it even though it has hurt me alot

Dear XXXXX : You mentioned you always spoiled him. Some times if things like this change, partners think that the person doesn't feels the same. He could be worried you do not feel the same anymore so he is putting up walls.

Im getting older and I cant do everything I used to do I need more of his help now I used to do about everything myself he would help if I asked but know its like he feels I want to much of him and I dont ask that much of him

Dear XXXXX : I want you to talk too him on how you feel. I think it will help you both understand how each other feels.

I thought I could handle everything I am a strong woman and determined not to loose but sometimes I feel that I cant win here


He doesnt know that I am talking to you


I have never done this before

Dear XXXXX : It helps to talk to get your feelings out.

but I will print this and let him see what you said could you put a word of advise in here to him so he can read it when he gets home from work I will talk to him and let him read what advise that you give him I would appreciate it since you are a expert at this

Dear XXXXX : Yes, I can do that for you.

Thanks so much


I love my husband and would give my life for him but this I am having a real hard time dealing with it is changing me to a point that I am not enjoying our time together anymore


I havent talked to anyone else about this because I was embarresed to let anyone know that my husband is doing this


He's always made me feel special before but know he doesn't by doing this he needs to learn to control him self I could do this to to rebell but I don't out of love and respect for him and myself


I think we all know what we do


We have a heart and a mind that God gave us and we do know right from wrond and I really have a hard time with this

Dear XXXXX : "In relationships you go through so many different experiences. When two people first meet they want to get to know everything about them. They want to impress them. As relationships grow and progress feelings grow. But as time passes life gets in the way. People have more obligations causes people to lose focus. This is why it is important to go on that very first date together to remind your partner of the memories you have created over the years and be reminded why you fell in love."
Dear XXXXX : You both need to start again together just like when you were first dating when things were new and exciting.
Dear XXXXX : One thing I recommend is recreating that first date and also talking about memories you both shared. Old photo albums bring back great memories. It reminds people of the wonderful life they have share with there partner.

We do love each other I just dont understand why his eyes are wondering now I know everything about him and he never did this ever before


What sinces hes getting older does he need to feel young again or something does this make him feel all young again because hes the initiating the glances the woman aren't but I have noticed some of them glance back like they like it to


Thanks I will take your advice and I will let him read this print out Thanks for listening to me I needed to get this out of my system to someone that could give me some advice on it


I really appreciate your time on this issue and may God bless you!

Dear XXXXX : Thank you so much.

Have a good day and God Bless you!

Dear XXXXX : You have a wonderful day and God Bless.

Thanks again so much! :)

Dear XXXXX : you welcome and thank you for your question.

Hi Debra I just had my husband read this he didnt say anything he just hugged me with tears in his eyes so we'll see what happens I hope this opens up the oppurtunity for us to discuss this more seriously now I will come on in the next few days to let ya know how it went God bless honey and thanks for your help! I hope this makes him understand that this is something serious that could ruin a relationship I beleive he really loves me its there is something going on with him right now that I'm nit sure that he even understands Like hormones maybe but I love him enough to be honest with him cause I know he would tell me if I needed help we do care for each other very much but this thing could end up in a disaster if not handled correctly!!!

Dear XXXXX : That is a break through in your relationship. He hugged you with tears in his eyes that means he understood how you felt.
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