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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, I just started dating this girl. Two weeks ago I asked

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Hi, I just started dating this girl. Two weeks ago I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Last night I invited her over my house and she stayed over and we both talked about each other's past. She said that her ex broke up with her on August 1st. She had nose surgery recently and her ex wished her good luck. But she also had he has contacted her after the breakup through letters in the mail. She didn't tell me if she responded back to that letter, but I assume she did and she said she is expecting another letter from him. How can I get her to stop talking to her ex? How should I think about this situation?
Hello. Your girlfriend is being very honest with you and that is a wonderful thing. You don't want to set up any type of ultimatums with her because of this openness and honest approach she has taken with you. You want to make sure you keep those lines of communication going.
2 weeks is not a lot of time and you want to handle things delicately, but you also want to make sure she knows how you feel about it. If you tell her that you feel uncomfortable about the situation, that is a good start, and leave it at that. Depending on how often the subject comes up and how often she communicates with him is going to be how you handle it as well. You need to make sure you are maintaining your side of it and your feelings, without going overboard. Even if you are really upset about it right now, as I said 2 weeks is not that long, so you have to give it a little time to work its way out. If she is talking to him once a week vs once a month for example, you need to weigh the difference between jeopardizing losing her from an over reaction or just holding on a bit and letting it run its course. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is, don't blow it off as nothing but also don't lay the law down right off either. Use her openness to you as an opportunity to explain your side of it and how it does bother you, but you understand that she will eventually cut all ties with him. You need to treat this situation as you and her vs the issue at hand. If it becomes a you vs her problem, she will start not telling you the truth and your relationship will begin a downward spiral. So, for now, walk the line of making your feelings known, but in a way that will not scare her off. In your own mind, come up with a reasonable deadline that you have about her communication and what you personally feel is acceptable or not. If you want to give her say 2 months to cut all ties with him, keep that in your head and keep that gentle pressure on her to meet that deadline. This is all about your comfort level and what length of time YOU feel ok with it, there is no right or wrong with how long you want to give her. It's up to you.
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