Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Here is my issue, My ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago.

Here is my issue, My ex...
Here is my issue,
My ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I was borrowing his phone and I got curious. He has a bad habit about getting online to these online dating/ sex sites and contacting people through them. I've known this about him for a while and I've been very understanding about it. But anyway, I was nosy and found an inappropriate text to one of his online girls. I have never went through his phone before. But I was honest with him when I confronted him. He said he was tired of a serious relationship and we split. We have split twice before but always got back together. Anyway so he told me that I was clingy and I needed to make friends of my own so I took the weekend to go out of town to visit some friends . While I was there, he contacted me and said how much he missed me that he had messed up and it was too late to fix it and that I was happy with out him. I played it cool for a while but then eventually I told him I missed him as well and we could talk more when I got back from out of tone which was the next day. I arrived back and tried to contact him as he asked and he was ignoring me and wouldn't let me know if he still wanted to talk. So in a desperate act I asked him to come outside of his house so we could speak. After all he is the one who had an idea. The conversation went horrible ending with him saying he will never let me know when he missed me again and other obscene remarks. He texted me when I was leaving saying he will never forget the way I acted. And I apologized thoroughly for it . He ended the conversation by saying he had to go but it wouldn't be the last time we spoke . I haven't contacted him since not had he contacted me. We have split up before and got back together . Is there still hope that he will come back to me? Is there anything I can do to improve the likely hood of him coming back? Or did I screw up too bad to have any hope for a future between us?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 3 minutes by:
9/20/2013
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this painful and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please etll me for how long were you dating and for how long he has been into online dating and sex websites?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for joining the chat.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you tell me more about your situation answering previous questions for me to better understand it?

Customer: We have been together for 2 years . He has always struggled with the online world. He has been better for the past two months or so about it. I want him back so badly. Is there anything I can do to salvage it?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Based on your story I think your chances to get back together are very high, since under similar circumstances you did get back. But my concern is exactly that no matter how dysfunctional the relationship could get you end feeling guilty, begging him and continuing the same circle over again.

Customer: Do you think he will contact me again? If so, when? And will he want me back? Is there anything I can do to help myself back into his arms again?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you described about his behaviors shows what seems to be sex and love addiction, to porn and the internet. It is very alarming how this break up happened because you confronted his behavior around his "online girls" and addiction, but at the end you ended up feeling guilty and begging him to come back, like if you were the one who was insensitive, disloyal and abusive instead of him.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, I think he will, and taking into account your behavior, he would feel more confident and empowered to perpetuate his patterns and would get even worse. Sadly it seems your priority is to be back with him regardless of how much neglect, abuse, betrayal and manipulation get present in your relationship.

Customer: I'm not worried about that. I know what his issues are. I want to know if I messed up too bad for him to even want to come back to me by going to his house to talk. Will he contact me again? Or is he done with me for good?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do think he will contact you, and is using this time just to fuel your feelings of guilt and desperation even more, for him to have more power and control over you.

Customer: Do you think he will want a relationship with me again?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you want him back no matter what, keep doing the same thing, do not push him but please him, and he would be back for sure.

Customer: Is there anything I can do besides not contacting him?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, of course, as long as you keep doing what he wants you to do, he would not want to let you go.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Again if your goal is to do anything possible to have him back no matter what, just focus on pleasing him, not pushing him, giving him the unconditional freedom he wants and he would come back for sure.

Customer: I know there is no certain way for you to know , but how long do you thing i
Customer: I know there is no certain way for you to know but how long do you this
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How long did it take for him to contact you in past episodes when you broke up?

Customer: do you think it will be until he contacts me again* sorry the buttons on my phone are hard to navigate
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think he would keep it this way in order to fuel your feelings of guilt, so to have more control over you, and would take a period of time similar like in past episodes, but there is no way to know for sure.

Customer: The first time about a week. The second time I insisted that we got back together which took about 2 days. It was a week when we split this time when he contacted me but the end results were not the same. We haven't spoke since Monday currently
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This time he already looked for you after a day you left to be with these friends.

Customer: Does that mean he will not try again?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Once he calms down and see that you are still feeling the way you feel and wanting him to come back no matter what, he would come back to you I think.

Customer: I hope so. I am not letting him know how I feel. I haven't spoke to him in days.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think he will unless you go to him first and continue to ask him for another chance.

Customer: How long should I wait for him to contact me?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He has been fine with it for these past two years as long as you do not interfere with his life and other relationships.then I believe he would not let you go that easily. Choose the period of time you think would better work for him to know you want him back and are willing to please him

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Since you have chosen too get him back regardless the consequences you already know, then do what you know would please him the most, and that would increase your chances to have him back sooner.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would say that if after a week he has not contacted you, you would have to take the initiative and contact him and let him know how you feel and what you want and hope.

Customer: Do you think the odds are in favor for him to take me back even though he has said it is not what he wants?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes I do think so, the worse you feel about it, the better for him, since he would feel empowered and more in control, and he would not let you go that easily knowing that he has got more power int he relationship.

Customer: When he contacted me the first time he made a point to tell me he is not interested and hasn't been with any other girls then I replied by saying that wasn't my business and I wasn't going to pry in his private life. Then he told me to be honest about the men I was with while we were apart which were none and then he said he rather be hurt now than feel stupid later. Why do you think he said this?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Seems he fears you may have been with other men when you were not dating and wants confirmation that you would continue allowing him do have total freedom to do as he pleases, not interfering at all.

Customer: Are there any tactics I can use to get him back sooner? I'm scared he is happy without me and will move on.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think by you doing what I just said, namely not pushing him, respecting his boundaries, pleasing him and then showing him how much you want him back would be the best way for you to get him back. Pushing him to get back sooner than what he wants and plans would not help. Again , this is exclusively considering that your only goal is to have him back and not about how healthy or not it would be for you to do so.

Customer: Do you think he will ask for me back on his own?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think so as long as he thinks you would be willing to play the same role like in the past, not interfering with his private life and pleasing him as much as he wants.

Customer: Another thing I forgot was when we broke up a couple days after he called me several times and said that I was in his friends yard and to leave him alone. I was not in the yard however . He ended the conversation by sending me a message that said he could never speak to me again cause it upset him too much. But then that weekend he started to contact me while I was out of town. What made him change his mind that time if he was sure we would not speak again?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The concrete previous history you have, he knows what he can get from you, and I do not think he would willingly let you go that easily if he knows he could keep you the same or even with more power than before.

Customer: I just hope that he will come back. I wish someone could assure me of it. Or give me a time frame of how long I have to wait. I know that can't be done, but is there any advice on what I can do to make him miss me and want me ?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You would not push him, do not wait more than a week to contact him in case he does not contact you before, and directly tell him how much you want and need him back, that you would respect his privacy and do your best for your relationship to work.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Once you do that, do not keep calling or messaging him but wait until he gets back to you.

Customer: I just feel hopeless. I feel like a
Customer: all is lost.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know how tough and painful it's been for you, but again, I can tell you with confidence that based on what you shared here, the chances you appear to have to get back in the relationship are very high as long as you take into account what I mentioned before. Please look for all the support you can get from close friends and family, for you to be able to better cope with this tough situation.

Customer: If I have further questions will this chat be available to me?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure it will, you just need to make sure you direct your questions to me, in that way I will know an d will reply ASAP. I am here to support you.

Customer: How can I do that ?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

the same way as you posted this question today, but include my name in ti like saying: For Rafael or I want Rafael to answer it.

Customer: Are there any other things you need to know so you can give me the best advice possible?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am willing to follow up , in that way we would know how this situation evolves an d make adjustments in order to promote the best possible urtcomes.

Customer: Thank you so much. I will be back to this chat as things develop so I can get more advice. But you think that it is very likely that he will come back in his own if I continue not to contact him?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you do not push him, but show you care and want him back and are willing to do your best, XXXXX XXXXX believe he would come back. If he does not contact you in a wee time, take the initiative as previously explained, to promote the reconciliation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust and please do not forget to rate support before you leave the chat.

Customer: Ok thank you. I hope it works out as you have explained.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I support you and hope thins evolve as you want.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

Customer: I have another question.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, what's your other question?

Customer: He told me in the gear of the moment when we first broke up that he wouldn't come back to me again just because he was " comfortable" do you think he really meant that or do you think he was serious?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think he is a very manipulative person, with serious mental health and personality problems, including the addictions you mentioned. Thus anything coming from him would be distorted by all those serious issues, so continue to be manipulative, and it would not be healthy to trust him at all.

Customer: So do you still think there is a chance he will come back?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, as I explained before, many times people presenting these behavioral patterns and issues do as much as possible to perpetuate relationships, where they could keep fueling their ego and getting any form of benefit from the other person

RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
RealSupport and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 4 years ago
He hasn't called yet I'm getting nervous.
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask RealSupport Your Own Question
RealSupport
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
3,191 Satisfied Customers
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

RealSupport is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems like I can't get any woman to like me or want to date me. I want to know how I can approach women and get dates? I'm really all about chivalry … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really
Hello , i have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really hard time of separation with my husband . This man is separated too but he still in contact with his wife because of the kids ..any h… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I would like to know something. My wife of 35 yrs received a
my wife of 35 yrs received a very intimate necklace fro m anoth er women and she told her she was drawing inspiration from her just by wearing it what does that mean … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Mine is a pretty tricky but story. So I met this guy on
Hi Debra, Mine is a pretty tricky but long story. So I met this guy on Tinder, he was lovely. Our first date was amazing... we spoke for three weeks 24/7 before actually meeting up. There was an insta… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood swings. He is about to start a new job at a branch of Verizon (used to work at another branch) so we were talking in the car and he said he ha… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love him dearly, well on Tuesday something happened when I was texting one of my guy friends I didn't physically cheat on him, and there was no … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6
Jen, I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6 weeks. We see each other twice a week. He deeply cares for me and loves me. I also have love for him. I struggle with his immaturity. So… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he cares about me. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and cuddle clubs. Is this a bad idea to be touching someone who you don't know and have no specific reason to care about? My wife and I experience… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
I found out my time boyfriend had a nine month affair with
I found out my long time boyfriend had a nine month affair with younger girl at work..fell in love with her and wanted to start a life..I contacted new girlfriend (who did not know about me..she fille… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a question that pertains to compromising in a
Hi,I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC f… read more
P. Simmons
P. Simmons
Attorney
Doctoral Degree
35,294 satisfied customers
I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's
Hello, I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's side. Some of the nieces are my age or older, so it is not as if we have had a history together. They were already adults when we me… read more
Schuyler
Schuyler
1,944 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x