Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly serious situation.
Unhappily everything you describe in your message shows a very dysfunctional, neglectful and abusive husband, not even respecting you,
It also shows that you have tolerated too much from him, to the point of even enabling his abuse and neglect since afraid of him leaving again, what has just led him to become more abusive and neglectful.
When a person present these serious issues, it is vr sad and frustrating, but it becomes impossible for a marriage to heal and grow strong and fulfilling, since its very core is distorted by the abuse and neglect imposed by the spouse.
His behaviors show a very immature and selfish person, unable to respect pr care about your needs and feelings, who lives like a single person, with no much responsibility at all, but spending a lot of time socializing, playing games, drinking, and sharing with other women online too. This is all unacceptable for adult married man regardless his culture, and it seems you have not agreed any of this in your marriage, right?
When he first got caught out and smashed the game and lied about it all- he did say he loved me, and that peoples marriages go through things and that we can work through this...at the same time he allowed me to believe I was wrong and going paranoid in the head...he then told me he realized that he needed to drink less but that he hated me saying I didn't like his young friends and that he would be friends with who ever he likes! however he was still saying this all on top of a lye. when he was finally walking out the door three days later because i told him to go because i continued u to tell him i knew he was lying he ended up saying fine- you are right I f**ked up and Im sorry. But then when i cried he showed me no affection and left. days later when i poured my heart out to him saying that what he did hurt me but knowing he was gone hurt even more - he once again showed no affection saying he didnt know when he'd come back and that he might move away to another country for a while and that if i didnt want him to go i shouldnt have told him to go in the first place- i then explained the only reason i told him to go was because he kept on lying to me and i wanted him to know that lying is worse and disrespectful to me. later that night he text asking if i wanted to him to come home- i said yes and i without saying a word let him back and loved him fully. we acted like new lovers again for a few days but then when i asked to talk about what happened- his reply was its in the passed we have talked about it enough lets not bring it up....i accepted that and he was happy- but then when he wouldnt let me go to his friends party and i got annoyed with him telling him i didnt like it he js called me a nagger and other horrible things and said we had talked about it all enough and that he shouldnt have come back, then the next day acted like nothing ever happened and tried to carry on all lovey dovey......its all very confusing....should i js leave it and carry on showing him love- forgive forget keep it in the past- hope he has learnt his lesson and will make the changes i would like- or do i ask again for clarity for truth to see what we can do for each other differently so it doesn't happen again...knowing that with this question he will probably get agitated at me
So is it fair of me then to ask him to explain what happened fully?or is that something men will never do? or do i lay down what i need him to do from now on in order to make me happy and see by his actions if he wants to make me happy and just never know the full truth of what happened or what led it to happen?