Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

This answer was rated:

Elliot-Im hoping for your opinion. I wrote to you a few months…

Elliot-I'm hoping for your opinion...
Elliot-I'm hoping for your opinion. I wrote to you a few months ago saying I had fallen in love with a man and had written him a letter telling him how I felt because I thought he felt the same way but wouldn't say anything because I am living with someone else-I never heard back from him so I guess that means he didn't feel the same way but I just wanted to know how you would have felt if you got a letter like that. I can't get the idea out of my head that he did care for me, so I thought maybe you, as an older man, could tell me what he might be thinking. This man is 64 and I am 54. He does have health problems and is living with his mother right now because of that, but if he felt the same way wouldn't he still have got in touch with me? I didn't give him an address or phone number but he does know where I work because that is where I met him. I guess I just can't get over my feelings for him and am looking for some hope that he does feel the same way. Thanks for any insight you can offer me.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 21 minutes by:
9/13/2013
Josie-Mod
Josie-Mod, Moderator
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 12
Experience: Moderator
Verified
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

Thank you for requesting me. I will be delighted to help you.

If I had gotten such a letter from you I would have wanted to respond. I would send you an email, or write back, or give you a call.

You didn't leave him an address or phone number, perhaps because you did't want the person you are living with to see that you were communicating on the romantic level with someone else.

If I had gotten the letter I would think that you liked me an wanted to express your feelings to me. It would make me feel very good, but I would also have felt disappointed because you did not leave a way to get back to you, and I would think that you did not want a response. I would believe that you just wanted to make a statement. I would be happy and flattered, but also disappointed.

I would not rush over to where you work - my only way or replying - beause you didn't ask me to. I would not want to embarass you or make a fool out of myself, and so I would have had to let it go, no matter what.

If you still feel the same way, then drop him another line and ask to call you (or call at work) because you would like to talk to him, or make some other arrangement with which you would feel comfortable.

Perhaps you were unconsciously afraid of rejection an so limited his ability to respond. You sabotaged yourself from the start. Make it easier this next time. He may still be hoping and waiting for you.

I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

But I did tell him that if he ever found that he had feelings for me and wanted to talk that he knew where he could find me. He was a temporary resident of the nursing home where I work. He was there recovering from hip surgery and that is how I got to know him. So I did let him know how to get in touch with me. He did stop in there a few times after he was discharged just to visit with some of the other residents (this was before I sent him the letter) so I don't think anyone would have thought it was too unusual if he had stopped in there to see me because people knew we were friendly because we both played piano and shared a love of music-I used to visit with him when I got off of work and listen to him play piano. One of the last times I saw him he was playing piano and we were just making general conversation and he said kind of quietly that he needed to get his life back to normal and he wanted to buy a house and find someone to be with because he was tired of being alone. He didn't look at me when he said this and then he changed the subject quickly. I have often thought since that was he trying to give me an opportunity to tell him how I felt? I wish to God now that I had told him then how I felt but I was too scared so I didn't say anything. This may seem odd to you but I have never been in love before and I guess I have a hard time understanding that you can feel this way about someone and they don't feel the same way. My feelings for him are so intense-I thought I had found my soul mate-to use that corny term. All the feelings that I have had hidden inside me my whole life came out when I met him and it's hard to face the fact that he wasn't feeling all the same things I was. As far as writing him again I don't want him to think that I'm some kind of stalker or some deranged woman that's going to keep harassing him. I told him if we saw each other somewhere I would never do or say anything to make him uncomfortable. So I guess I have done all I can do. I try to get over this but I just don't know how.

Dear fiend

Thanks for getting back to me.

Falling in love is not something that comes easily or often for most people. You have found someone that you not only love but believe that he is your soul mate, the one man that can fill your spirit completely.

For something that profound and important, throwing up your hands and saying, "oh well" and then giving up, sounds like a failure to follow through. This may be your fortune and your future.

You are not exactly stalking him by sending him another letter and giving him an opportunity to talk to you or meet you in private where you see if these feelings are mutual.

Instead of writing another letter like you did before, why don't you ask him out for lunch or coffee and give him a phone number and time where he can definitely reach you. Your cell phone would be best, XXXXX XXXXX when you can have some privacy should be chosen.

Are you going to give up your dream of happiness because you are afraid you might make someone uncomfortable for a few seconds?

That is not the way happy endings occur. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You will forever regret that you did not make this one small effort.

You say that you will try to get over this but don't know how.

If you make the move and he accepts you won't have to lose him and you may wind up with the man of your dreams.

If you make the move and he rejects you, then it will be easier to move on and get closure.

If you don't make the move then you don't have to face the possibility of rejection for you have already sabotaged any chances of getting together.

You don't know how he feels or will feel until you spend some time with him. I encourage you to stop living in fear of failure. You are failing by not doing ENOUGH to try to meet up with him.

I would not be surpised if he really cares for you and is just as shy as you are.

Get out of your comfort zone and live.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Well, thank you for your thoughts but I still feel like it is up to him to make the next move. I told him in the letter very clearly how I felt and that my feelings for him made me realize what has been missing in my life. So I really think if he had the same kind of feelings that I do he would not have been able to stay away. I think his health could be a factor because he was still on crutches the last time I saw him and I know he was supposed to have his other hip replaced but he went through so much hell with the first replacement that he was probably scared to have the other one done. So I don't know how he is doing physically. Also this is a small rural area and meeting someone in secret anywhere is practically impossible. I guess I just don't want him to think that I am not going to leave him alone and keep bothering him. He knows where to find me. I just keep hoping that maybe some day I will run into him somewhere and be able to talk a little. I guess until that happens I can't give up hope completely. I read somewhere that the first step in getting over someone is that you have to hear it directly from them that they don't feel the same way otherwise you keep false hope in your heart and I guess that is what my problem is. I need to hear from him that he doesn't feel the same way. Thanks for listening. I only have one friend that knows about all this and I stopped talking to her about it because I'm sure she is sick of hearing about it so sometimes I just need to be able to tell someone how I am feeling.

Dear friend,

You are very welcome. Perhaps you will cross paths again (and perhaps you might try to hasten the process somehow).

I wish you great success and I hope that I have helped you. Please let me know.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I don't know if I should finally and completely end and move
I don't know if I should finally and completely end and move on from the man I had planned my future being with and move on to see how my life would be with another or try to make it work through all … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
Help!. I was involved with a man on and off for 11 years. It
Help! My name is***** was involved with a man on and off for 11 years. It felt like love. As I grew closer to him he hurt me a lot as he was a ladies man. We had a connection and I know he felt it too… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
961 satisfied customers
My bf and I have been dating month. He just got xfered to a
My bf and I have been dating for 8 month. He just got xfered to a new city 2 hours away. And in short we have decided to live together. I have secured a job down there and am moving in 1 week. My prob… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
961 satisfied customers
I met a guy last new years, he was just out of a 3 year
I met a guy last new years, he was just out of a 3 year relationship and he ended it 4 months later saying he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Then he came back in September saying he missed m… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
961 satisfied customers
I divorced my husband 25ys. ago. I was I think "brainwashed"
I divorced my husband 25ys. ago. I was I think "brainwashed" by this "new" man who came into my life by his talks to taking me out of this little town, and traveling. He was charming and I thought I l… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
Hello Ive been working at my job for a long time now and I
Hello Ive been working at my job for a long time now and I used to dislike my boss I just recently been through a divorce and over a period of time Ive fallen for my boss at work. He's been wanting to… read more
Jean
Jean
Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
332 satisfied customers
I usually attract men that cant hold down a job for long periods
I usually attract men that can't hold down a job for long periods and time and men that's abusive towards women but I met a guy I really liked a few weeks ago that for the first time made me feel like… read more
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown
Marriage Therapist
Doctoral Degree
427 satisfied customers
I met a man 6 months ago and fell in love with him instantly
I met a man 6 months ago and fell in love with him instantly and I think he might feel the same way but neither one of us said anything about it because I am living with someone else. Even though he d… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Psychotherapist
Master's Degree
7,664 satisfied customers
I had met this guy on a plane ride home 2 years ago and we
I had met this guy on a plane ride home 2 years ago and we hit it off immediately. However, I was in a relationship at the moment and it wasn't the right timing for either of us. Almost a year later w… read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
Dear Elliot, The reason I am writing is to get your advise
Dear Elliot, The reason I am writing is to get your advise on a certain matter!!After our last conversation I did some investication into the idea of my husband as being a sociopath.! The one thing th… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Psychotherapist
Master's Degree
7,664 satisfied customers
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months.
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months. We have however know each other for 9 years. I met him through my Ex who I was with for 8yrs (broke up in January this yr). My now Boyfrien… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I met my boyfriend in feb 2010 after being separated for 2
I met my boyfriend in feb 2010 after being separated for 2 years from my husband of 20 years. My boyfriend was attentive, kind, sweet, loyal and smitten with me. He looked after his 3 children as his … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
I had a great 6 month relationship with a perfect man for me
I had a great 6 month relationship with a perfect man for me and he felt the same way about me. We had such a great connection physically, emotionally and mentally.we are same age 50 years old. I neve… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I met this man on Match.com & we really connected. We started
I met this man on Match.com & we really connected. We started going out over a month ago. For some reason, I felt really comfortable with him and revealed alot about myself to him: the fact that I was… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
I am heartbroken. Im a single mom with a 10 year old daughter,
I am heartbroken. I'm a single mom with a 10 year old daughter, hadn't had a relationship since my divorce 10 years ago, and never really had a truly intimate, satisfying physical relationship EVER un… read more
Anna
Anna
Clinical Supervisor
Master\u0027s Degree
232 satisfied customers
hi, Ive been in a relationship for 5 months before I got out.
hi, I've been in a relationship for 5 months before I got out. This man hit me after three months. Then later we had an argument, and he was going to break my finger and slam the car door on my hand (… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
I brought a youger man into my home before my divorce was final.
I brought a youger man into my home before my divorce was final. I caused the divorce, didn't want it or have any reason to end a good, solid 23 year marrige. I know it was a bad decision to have made… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
ok, so I do not know what is going on with me today, but I ...
ok, so I do not know what is going on with me today, but I am feeling a little insecure. I think b/c I brought up serious questions to my BF ealy on. He asked me if I was planning on moving and I repl… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x