Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Elliot-Im hoping for your opinion. I wrote to you a few months

Elliot-I'm hoping for your opinion...
Elliot-I'm hoping for your opinion. I wrote to you a few months ago saying I had fallen in love with a man and had written him a letter telling him how I felt because I thought he felt the same way but wouldn't say anything because I am living with someone else-I never heard back from him so I guess that means he didn't feel the same way but I just wanted to know how you would have felt if you got a letter like that. I can't get the idea out of my head that he did care for me, so I thought maybe you, as an older man, could tell me what he might be thinking. This man is 64 and I am 54. He does have health problems and is living with his mother right now because of that, but if he felt the same way wouldn't he still have got in touch with me? I didn't give him an address or phone number but he does know where I work because that is where I met him. I guess I just can't get over my feelings for him and am looking for some hope that he does feel the same way. Thanks for any insight you can offer me.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 21 minutes by:
9/13/2013
Josie-Mod
Josie-Mod, Moderator
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: Moderator
Verified
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

Thank you for requesting me. I will be delighted to help you.

If I had gotten such a letter from you I would have wanted to respond. I would send you an email, or write back, or give you a call.

You didn't leave him an address or phone number, perhaps because you did't want the person you are living with to see that you were communicating on the romantic level with someone else.

If I had gotten the letter I would think that you liked me an wanted to express your feelings to me. It would make me feel very good, but I would also have felt disappointed because you did not leave a way to get back to you, and I would think that you did not want a response. I would believe that you just wanted to make a statement. I would be happy and flattered, but also disappointed.

I would not rush over to where you work - my only way or replying - beause you didn't ask me to. I would not want to embarass you or make a fool out of myself, and so I would have had to let it go, no matter what.

If you still feel the same way, then drop him another line and ask to call you (or call at work) because you would like to talk to him, or make some other arrangement with which you would feel comfortable.

Perhaps you were unconsciously afraid of rejection an so limited his ability to respond. You sabotaged yourself from the start. Make it easier this next time. He may still be hoping and waiting for you.

I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

But I did tell him that if he ever found that he had feelings for me and wanted to talk that he knew where he could find me. He was a temporary resident of the nursing home where I work. He was there recovering from hip surgery and that is how I got to know him. So I did let him know how to get in touch with me. He did stop in there a few times after he was discharged just to visit with some of the other residents (this was before I sent him the letter) so I don't think anyone would have thought it was too unusual if he had stopped in there to see me because people knew we were friendly because we both played piano and shared a love of music-I used to visit with him when I got off of work and listen to him play piano. One of the last times I saw him he was playing piano and we were just making general conversation and he said kind of quietly that he needed to get his life back to normal and he wanted to buy a house and find someone to be with because he was tired of being alone. He didn't look at me when he said this and then he changed the subject quickly. I have often thought since that was he trying to give me an opportunity to tell him how I felt? I wish to God now that I had told him then how I felt but I was too scared so I didn't say anything. This may seem odd to you but I have never been in love before and I guess I have a hard time understanding that you can feel this way about someone and they don't feel the same way. My feelings for him are so intense-I thought I had found my soul mate-to use that corny term. All the feelings that I have had hidden inside me my whole life came out when I met him and it's hard to face the fact that he wasn't feeling all the same things I was. As far as writing him again I don't want him to think that I'm some kind of stalker or some deranged woman that's going to keep harassing him. I told him if we saw each other somewhere I would never do or say anything to make him uncomfortable. So I guess I have done all I can do. I try to get over this but I just don't know how.

Dear fiend

Thanks for getting back to me.

Falling in love is not something that comes easily or often for most people. You have found someone that you not only love but believe that he is your soul mate, the one man that can fill your spirit completely.

For something that profound and important, throwing up your hands and saying, "oh well" and then giving up, sounds like a failure to follow through. This may be your fortune and your future.

You are not exactly stalking him by sending him another letter and giving him an opportunity to talk to you or meet you in private where you see if these feelings are mutual.

Instead of writing another letter like you did before, why don't you ask him out for lunch or coffee and give him a phone number and time where he can definitely reach you. Your cell phone would be best, XXXXX XXXXX when you can have some privacy should be chosen.

Are you going to give up your dream of happiness because you are afraid you might make someone uncomfortable for a few seconds?

That is not the way happy endings occur. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You will forever regret that you did not make this one small effort.

You say that you will try to get over this but don't know how.

If you make the move and he accepts you won't have to lose him and you may wind up with the man of your dreams.

If you make the move and he rejects you, then it will be easier to move on and get closure.

If you don't make the move then you don't have to face the possibility of rejection for you have already sabotaged any chances of getting together.

You don't know how he feels or will feel until you spend some time with him. I encourage you to stop living in fear of failure. You are failing by not doing ENOUGH to try to meet up with him.

I would not be surpised if he really cares for you and is just as shy as you are.

Get out of your comfort zone and live.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Well, thank you for your thoughts but I still feel like it is up to him to make the next move. I told him in the letter very clearly how I felt and that my feelings for him made me realize what has been missing in my life. So I really think if he had the same kind of feelings that I do he would not have been able to stay away. I think his health could be a factor because he was still on crutches the last time I saw him and I know he was supposed to have his other hip replaced but he went through so much hell with the first replacement that he was probably scared to have the other one done. So I don't know how he is doing physically. Also this is a small rural area and meeting someone in secret anywhere is practically impossible. I guess I just don't want him to think that I am not going to leave him alone and keep bothering him. He knows where to find me. I just keep hoping that maybe some day I will run into him somewhere and be able to talk a little. I guess until that happens I can't give up hope completely. I read somewhere that the first step in getting over someone is that you have to hear it directly from them that they don't feel the same way otherwise you keep false hope in your heart and I guess that is what my problem is. I need to hear from him that he doesn't feel the same way. Thanks for listening. I only have one friend that knows about all this and I stopped talking to her about it because I'm sure she is sick of hearing about it so sometimes I just need to be able to tell someone how I am feeling.

Dear friend,

You are very welcome. Perhaps you will cross paths again (and perhaps you might try to hasten the process somehow).

I wish you great success and I hope that I have helped you. Please let me know.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex girlfriend come over to visit even though you tell him to it really bothers you… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have chirldren with a previous partner and we still keep the family house and gather. But my family has not accepted my new partner 'although she is ever… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems like I can't get any woman to like me or want to date me. I want to know how I can approach women and get dates? I'm really all about chivalry … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really
Hello , i have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really hard time of separation with my husband . This man is separated too but he still in contact with his wife because of the kids ..any h… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I would like to know something. My wife of 35 yrs received a
my wife of 35 yrs received a very intimate necklace fro m anoth er women and she told her she was drawing inspiration from her just by wearing it what does that mean … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Mine is a pretty tricky but story. So I met this guy on
Hi Debra, Mine is a pretty tricky but long story. So I met this guy on Tinder, he was lovely. Our first date was amazing... we spoke for three weeks 24/7 before actually meeting up. There was an insta… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood swings. He is about to start a new job at a branch of Verizon (used to work at another branch) so we were talking in the car and he said he ha… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love him dearly, well on Tuesday something happened when I was texting one of my guy friends I didn't physically cheat on him, and there was no … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6
Jen, I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6 weeks. We see each other twice a week. He deeply cares for me and loves me. I also have love for him. I struggle with his immaturity. So… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x