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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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my girl friend of 15 months and engaged since April have effectively

Customer Question

my girl friend of 15 months and engaged since April have effectively broken up, but we share the same rental roof. what is the right thing to do? we have 9 months left on the lease. We maybe able to fix the relationship, but we may not be suited for one another. I need help please
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

I am sorry that your relationship has ended. Perhaps you are not suited for each other, as you stated.

On the other hand, perhaps you can fix it.

You could spend the next month or two trying to find separate quarters and dividing things up, or you could agree to remain roomates for the next 9 months.

This arrangement, if physically possible, could afford the both of you a new way of relating to each other without the pressure of being engaged to each other.

This new method of interaction migh help you problem solve some of the issues that had been interfering with your communications previously.

If you can fix the problems, if would be a unique opportunity to work them through daily.

You should probably establish ground rules about sleeping arrangements, paying of bills, and so forth. Make it low key and just a means of facilitating the flow of day to day living.

You both have to be on the same page about this or it will not work.

If one or the other don't agree then you will have to find separate quarters or both live there part time on a schedule, stating the other time with family or friends. Yes that is impractical yet I mention it because I have seen it work.

If thee options are not acceptable then one of you must go if the other one can afford the rent by him/herself.

You should, before you make any decisions, book a few sessions with marriage and family therapist and see if you can address your problems with the professional guidance.

I truly believe that you will have a good chance of ironing out your differences if you stay for awhe ad take therapy together. This is the most conservative and prudent first step, and might prove to be an interesting and effect path to saving the relatonship.

I wish you both great success and shall keep you in my prayers

Warm regards,