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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I have been involved with a woman who is married. He husband

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I have been involved with a woman who is married. He husband mentally and emotionally abuses her. He is best friends with her ex boyfriend and they attack her and belittle her every chance they get. The husbands friend saw her and I in a store together one day last week. He saw us hug and reported back to the husband. He has threatened her life and mine since. She is not allowed to leave the house or talked to anyone. I know it wasn't right but she is an incredible person and we have some incredibly strong feelings for each other. She can't talk to me and I haven't heard from her in a couple days. She is terrified and trapped and no one believes he is doing anything. What can I do and what can she do? Should I just forget or stay out for when she gets out?
Hello. This can be a much more dangerous situation regardless of your relationship with her. If you feel she is in physical danger, you need to seek local authorities for help. You don't need to go into any details about you and her of course, you can say you have a friend who is in danger and explain the situation. Is there anyone else who is a mutual friend who may be able to support your story?
What she needs to do is get away. Has she indicated at all that she is interested in leaving him and removing herself from the situation? Her intentions matter a great deal. If she wants to stay and she chooses to be in this environment, then this is choice is hers. You can't do much about that. She will have to take some sort of initiative and understand that she has you and she has legal options and support if she wants to get out of an abusive situation. Depending on where you live, different options are available, you have to seek those specific outlets out.
So, the key is, does she want to leave? If the answer is no, you can't do much of anything, but if the answer is yes, you and she both have a lot of options. I hope she makes the right choice and decides to pack up what she can and leave. She should not be in an abusive environment.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She wants to leave yes. She was in the process of having some legal papers signed an inter spousal agreement and has been waiting for that to be done for a few months. She wants to be with me. I'm concerned getting help involved may make things worse. I am lost and don't respond we'll to threats. I am helpless so what now?
It can make things worse but you both have to take baby steps and do this the right way. It's difficult for me to give you specifics because this is a sensitive situation and needs to be handled with kid gloves and I don't know the people involved. Does the ex boyfriend or the husband know anything about you? Your name, where you live? If not and you are just the guy at the store she was hugging, that is the best case scenario. Also, how far do you live from where they live? All of these little details will factor in to what you can do. Ideally, you are anonomyous and live far enough away where her daily routine wouldn't be noticed. Do you own or rent and is it an option to move further away if needed? If she could sneak off with everything she could have packed and just get out and disappear, that would be the best thing, given how her husband and ex would probably try to track her down. Then she could do the paperwork and send that in with a restraining order. You both can do this, it just takes some planning.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I don't live far but I am far from his and her daily routine. He doesn't know where I live. I rent and can easily pick up and leave. That is the scenario is the friend only saw us hug and saw us with our arms around each other like an arm around her waist. He is a video gamer and a chronic pot smoker who doesn't like to leave the house. I think right now she is doing the happy housewife to please him to have him sign these papers. This is not post on the Internet is it?
No, this is private with only the Experts at Just Answer, so don't worry. If she can keep up the routine and just keep herself safe for now and find the opportunity, that is the way to go. The problem is, you can't communicate with her right now, so you may have to just wait it out for as long as it takes. Safety is of course the #1 concern for both you and her. Keeping safety in mind is going to be what drives your actions. So wait it out, keep it safe and then make a break for it so she can be safe.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok thank you. I know we stared in a bad way but we have been friends 3 years now and it was not hard to fall for each other. She is a very special person. Can I still email her work address and just let her know I support her? She is not responding to my one message a day. Am I being charged 35 dollars a question? I click the 35 one and thought I had 7 for that
No you are not being charged for every answer. Only when you rate it, do I get paid. You can do it once or every time, its up to the customer.
Are you certain her work address isn't monitored so he can get into it at all? You both may have a rough start in the relationship just because of the circumstances, but its hard any time someone is in an abusive situation. If you can email her, this may be the only way you can get with her to make your plan.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes it's secure. I guess I just have to wait for her to respond. Your right a bad situation it is. Thank you
You are welcome. I hope it turns out well for both of you. Feel free to follow up and let me know how things are going.

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