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Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
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I notice my boyfriend at times feels like I have to initiate

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I notice my boyfriend at times feels like I have to initiate conversation and/or keep with questions becuase he isnt continuing with the conversation. What causes this?
Hello again Jenny! I hope that you have read my reply to your question about why people keep breaking up, in which I talked about communication skills.

All of that applies here too, but with a little twist!

He might just be shy or slightly introverted, but even so, you can get through this.

Sometimes, in a conversation we ask our questions in such a way that a one word answer will suffice.

For example:
Question: "Do you want to go a movie tonight?"
Answer: "No."

End of conversation.

That´s what is called a closed question. All it needs is a one word answer, with no amplification.

So, don´t ask closed questions - use open questions instead.

For example:

Question: "How do you feel about going to a movie tonight"
Answer: " Hadn´t really thought about it. How about you?"

Coversation continues!

Asking open questions almost always leads the other person into opening up and offering suggestions, courses of action or opinions, which can then be discussed, so the way in which you frame your questions is very important.

Remember though, if you are discussing something unpleasant, he may want to avoid the discussion. Nevertheless, some good open questions, staying calm and not being blaming will almost always overcome this problem.

Best wishes,
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