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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I live in a nice affluent suburb where 99.9% of the High School

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I live in a nice affluent suburb where 99.9% of the High School students graduate and go to college. I am learning that my son as well as many, many youths who I never would have expected all smoke pot. There are so many in fact that I'm almost feeling like it can't be fought. I have read dozens of web sites which tell you how to talk to your kids to keep them off drugs (which I have done since he was very young to no benefit). But now that he and most of the kids we know are smoking pot... what do I do?

Hello, I'm a moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. Please let me know and I will assist further. Thank you!




Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Sure, I can wait. Odd that this question is so difficult. Or maybe not, it seems complicated to me! :)

Thank you for your patience while we continue to search for a professional to assist you.

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear concerned parent,

I believe I can help you with this situation.

I have run a drug counseling program at the local jail for several years, as a volunteer.

I rarely see a person with a problem from marijuana use, and that is usually associated with other mental disorders.

It is not physically addictive, although some people use it too often, which is a diversion from doing other more constructive activities, although some creative people use it and work and achieve at a very high level.

Some of the best students smoke pot and get the hightest grades, and some perform certain skills at a higher level under the influence then not.

I do not recommend it, but it is much better to use cannabis then to use alcohol or any other drugs, all of which are damaging and potentially dangerous.

I do not use it but I did many years ago and I have accomplished a great deal in my life at a high level of achievment.

Onced again, I do not recommend it or promote it, but I do not think it is a problem. At your son's school almost all go on to college.

I also taught at the college level (sociology, anthropology, and mental health) and know that a lot of my students, often the best, XXXXX XXXXX herb.

The big drawback is that it is illegal and can get a person into trouble and give them a criminal record.

It is being de-criminalized as the governments begin to take a more common sense approach and find ways to tax it.

It seems that there is nothing that you can really do as this is acceptable in his peer group and all of your warnings mean nothing when his experiences tell him otherwise. You can tell him that you do not approve and warn him about the legal consequences and then further repercussions about his future if he gets caught.

For a different point of view than the one promoted by the liquor industry (which successfull lobbied for marijuana criminalization back in the 1930s), you might look at this book.

Product Details

Marijuana is Safer: So Why Are We Driving People to Drink? by Steve Fox, Paul Armentano, Mason Tvert and Norm Stamper

One again, I think that NOT smoking pot is BETTER than smoking pot, but the biggest drawback is the legal issue, and is quite important.


I wish you great sucess in continuing to raise a good young man. He will turn out fine.


Tell him what you think but don't let this drive a wedge between you.


If it was alcohol or any other drug, I would give you a very different answer, but U urge you to be reasonable and let him grow up.


I shall keep your family in my prayers.


Warm regards,



Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you Elliott for that good information. I feel better for sure.


In our state, there is only a small fine for possessing less than 1 oz, it is no longer criminal. Of course if he sells it or has more, that would be a huge problem.


My son is not a good student. He lacks motivation to the point that he would almost rather fail than put effort into an assignment. He gets D's and has been on the border of failing courses several times. He is late to school virtually every day. We have been trying to figure out his problem; he only says that school is boring and he is lazy. I thought my discovery of his drug use could help explain the issue. Doesn't it hurt motivation? Takes the stress off the situation so you can deal with the stress of your life caused by parents harping on you and school work that you don't want to do. He scored very well on SAT and standardized tests (not genius, but high or above average). I also wonder how he funds it, he doesn't have a job and we don't just give him money.


How much can I attribute these issues to drug use? I don't believe his drug use is daily, perhaps once a week; but I don't know yet. I haven't spoken to him yet, I'm trying to figure out what to say!!!


Thanks again!

Dear friend,

Thanks for getting back to me.

There are several things that may be going on.

- Your son may be a gifted student and may be bored at the slow pace of the assignments, and does not have motivation at school when the pace is slow and he does not feel adequately challenged.

-Your son may suffer from depression, perhaps because he has had some probems with friends or girls (no he is not too young according to todays normal standards, which are not the best for children but they are the norm and pushed EVERYWHERE except perhaps in small, isolated, religious communities). A depressed person lacks motivation, interest, has less focus, and could be more irritable as well. Mood disorders also run in families and so this might be partially due to a geneti tendency.

-Your son may have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the inattentive type, which causes lower grades, which in turn can lower his incentive to go to school.

His marijuana use may contribute to a general "party" attitude.

What is most important is that he goes to school every day - on time!

If he does not then he should definitely have penalties. You need to talk to him in a reasonable manner and explain that he must follow the rules or pay the penalty.

If he is depressed or inattenvtive/hyperactive, or if you suspect that he is, I would take him to see a child psychologists (not psychiatrist) for evaluation and possible therapy or even recommendation, as a later alternative, if the therapist believes it would be a good choice.

These are the issues that you must deal with first, marijuana or not.

I would discourage him NOT to smoke, but he might do so for self-therapy - because they make him feel better.

There is probably a guidance counselor or even a school psychologist at his school and you might discuss these issues with the counselor to determiine if your son is suffering from depression or ADHD, as a first step to turning this situation towards the ight.

I shall continue to keep you family in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, thank you for your excellent posts. If you don't mind, I will direct more questions to you as a proceed. Just to fill you in as I close out this question. He is diagnosed with ADD (although it seems no "H" for hyperactivity is involved). He has sort-of an addiction to video games and such as he finds them soothing. He does have a girl friend who is got deeply involved with very quickly and they spend hours together every day all summer (they are sexually active). After much pushing, the was tested at the High School in his Jr Year and put on an Ed plan for executive functioning (organization). We have him seeing a counselor who specializes in ADD and addictive behavior. He finally has a glimmer of interest for a particular college, but didn't put in enough effort to get the grades to get into that college. So, that's where we are and working to improve.


Thank you again for the great info, as I said, if you don't mind I will direct more questions to you!


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